Life on Mars
by ChapstickLez
Summary: Rebuilding your life was supposed to be hard, Gail knew that. But after three years where she thought she finally got it right, why did it have to come crashing back down? (Sequel to "Ashes to Ashes" - Completed 17-April-2018)
1. Too Many Sunsets

Title: Life on Mars

Desc: Rebuilding your life was supposed to be hard, Gail knew that. But after three years where she thought she finally got it right, why did it have to come crashing back down? (Sequel to "Ashes to Ashes")

Type: drama / romance

* * *

 _DISCLAIMER:_ _I own nothing of Rookie Blue. The original characters are theirs. The show is theirs. I'm just better at logistics._

 **Chapter One: Too Many Sunsets**

 _It's been three years since Gail moved to Vancouver. She and Holly have been married a few months._

* * *

The last bag was packed. No thanks to Gail, who had vanished an hour ago. Holly smiled and shook her head, checking the drawers one last time. She'd left out the clothes they planned to wear home, their toiletries, and the small carry-ons. It all fit, too, which made Holly wonder if they'd forgotten something in a drawer.

As she finished her second check, the door to the cabin opened. "Hey, woah. You didn't have to do all that."

"Well you disappeared so someone did." Holly smirked at her wife, feeling a flush of delight just being able to call her that.

Gail, slightly sunburnt, grinned at her. "I was getting food sorted." Of course she had no food on hand, prompting Holly to arch her eyebrows. "Dinner's being delivered later. I just ... Y'know. Last night in the tropics."

"Room service, huh?" When Gail sheepishly grinned, Holly laughed.

The honeymoon, delayed twice thanks to cases, had been funded by the unlikeliest of sources. Apparently Elaine's family, having heard everything from none other than Elaine herself, had bought them an all expense paid trip to the Bahamas. Instead of a hotel, everyone had private little cabins near the water, with bathrooms and hot tubs.

Holly had to admit it was perfect. Being all inclusive, there was no need for credit cards to boot. So they'd gotten to spend two weeks in the sun. Well. Holly spent two weeks in the sun. Gail stuck to the shade. Even with sunblock, she'd gotten a bit pink. That didn't stop them from snorkelling or hiking in the jungle. It just meant they had to time it right.

There was also a lot of sleeping and sex. Which was what a honeymoon should be. It was the first time in years Holly felt truly relaxed. In a way, it was like the summer road trips with her parents, only less travel, more sleeping, and more adult. They'd eaten at some amazing restaurants and taken long walks on the beach. There'd been night sailing and star gazing.

"Well, we are all packed. So what about watching one last sunset on the water?" Holly stretched her arms up.

"Shower first," said Gail, already out of her pants. "I was running all over today and you are grubby as hell."

Exasperated, Holly shook her head. "Gail, if I shower, I'm getting into my jammies and sleeping."

"Put a robe on. We're getting room service."

Holly hesitated and saw the logic in Gail's plan. "You first. I'll put your dirties in the suitcase."

"An agreeable plan, seeing as I'm mostly naked." Gail sashayed into the bathroom and Holly laughed.

In their two years of dating and now four months of marriage, Gail hadn't changed much at all. No, all the great changes happened in the year after Holly left Toronto. Gail figured out who she was, she figured out what she was, and who she wanted to be. That childish glee with which Gail embraced life was still there, but now it seemed to be steady and stable and sane.

Well. As sane as someone belting out Kelly Clarkson in the shower was capable of being.

"Hey, Gail! I love you!"

Her wife laughed from the shower. "I know!"

Holly rolled her eyes. By the time she'd put away Gail's dirty clothes and her own, the blonde was still showering. Not that Gail didn't love long, hot showers, but this was something else. Something more. Gail was preening.

Shaking her head, Holly entertained herself with one last walk through the cabin. The privacy had been lovely, and she didn't worry about anyone seeing her naked. Not that Holly minded. Like Gail, she was comfortable in her nudity. In Holly's case it was from growing up with hippies. She still had no idea why Gail felt that way.

Finally the water turned off and Gail emerged in a lightweight robe. "There's still hot water."

Holly squinted past the woman and noted the lack of steam. Had Gail taken a cold shower? It wasn't that hot out. Well, Holly had given up a while ago about trying to deeply understand some of Gail's idiosyncratic tendencies. "How about soap?"

"There's that too." Gail eyed the clothes for the trip home. "Shoo. Go get clean."

"Bossy." Holly smirked and went into the bathroom. Her toiletries were laid out not how she'd left them. Toothbrushes, sure, that made sense. But the razor? "Gail, why is my razor out?"

"Because I want you to shave." Gail popped her head in, smiling. "Please?"

It really was rare for Gail to ask that. "Should I wash my hair?"

"I did."

"Your hair dries faster."

Gail flipped her off and left the bathroom. "Shave, wife. You'll feel better tomorrow when we get home. Trust me."

Well. Gail was the more traveled of the two. She'd been to every major European city by the time she was eighteen, after all. Holly sighed and stepped into the shower. She washed her hair, shaved her legs and armpits carefully, and even trimmed her nails. It was a routine. Every time she started the process, her mind and body did the whole thing on autopilot.

She knew Gail was much the same way. But while Gail sang as she showered, Holly went over articles in her head. She had an idea for a new one, about the evidence in the Perik case seven months back, but given the nearness of the case to the woman she loved, Holly shelved it. And she sure as hell wasn't about to ask Gail now for permission to write it up. But the serial killing behaviour was interesting.

There'd been a time when Holly had considered profiling, after all.

Absently, Holly ran a hand over her leg, catching a couple spots where the hair resisted removal. Always the back of the calf. She tsked at herself. Maybe a better article would be about the five year old body they'd found buried under the freak snowstorm last year. Yes, that was a better story. A man was killed, accidentally, by a hockey puck to the head.

He'd been playing with his friends at the lake, been hit, and fallen into the snow. When his friends tried to get to him, their combined weight cracked the ice and sent him under. Gail had mocked the group, mercilessly, while Holly had directed the recovery team. And then Holly's team came up with two bodies. That had been pretty damn cool, even Gail had to admit it. The lake was cold enough, even in summer, to prevent the full decomposition. Holly had gotten to use her diatom trick again, and they'd solved a five year old murder.

Yes, that would do. Holly beamed at her own brilliance, checked her other leg, and rinsed off. That would be a fantastic article. Maybe she could make the front cover with it.

"Hey, Gail," she said as she stepped out of the shower. "I have an idea."

"Oh really? So do I. Wanna see if they match?"

Holly laughed. "I doubt it. Mine's about an article." And she bubbled with delight, telling Gail all about her idea as she dried her hair and filed her nails down. For once, Gail didn't interrupt or make rude comments, letting Holly get all the way through. "So. What do you think?"

There was no answer. Holly frowned and braided her hair back. "Honey?" Maybe Gail had fallen asleep.

Then she heard something. It was low, behind the sound of the waves and the birds. She knew it... It was a song she'd not listened to in a long time. Gail was listening to music. Of course she didn't hear Holly's question. But... Why was she listening to that song? The last time Holly heard it, it was playing on her bathroom radio back at her townhouse in Toronto. She'd been trimming Gail's hair following the, then random, breakdown.

After they'd broken up, Holly had deleted all her MsMr songs. Every last one of them made her think of Gail. She'd not known until years later that Gail had went and downloaded them all for the same reasons. They made her think of Holly. And she'd missed Holly.

Opening the bathroom door, Holly looked around for her wife. Gail was on the bed, naked, one hand rather suggestively resting on her own inner thigh, one leg bent invitingly.

Holly's article completely fell out of her head.

She did not care in the slightest.

"Jesus, Gail."

The shaving, the hair washing, the nail trimming all made sense.

Holly swallowed a dry throat.

"It's our last night on vacation," Gail said, smiling. She gestured with one hand. A come hither motion.

Holly reflexively clutched her robe. "I ... Yes. Yes it is." The pale fingers gestured again. "I was just talking about an article," she said stupidly.

"You were. And I'm honestly not sure what it says about me that I find your science babble a turn on." Gail's voice lowered. "The way you get excited and just exude brain... And being that damn sexy does not hurt at all."

"Talking about dead bodies turns you on?"

"No, you talking about anything, even sports, god help me, turns me on." Gail shifted. "Now. Are you going to come here or do I have to take care of this myself?"

As Gail spoke, her hand moved and Holly felt her entire body heat up.

Oh.

Her brain had not been in that space at all, and then suddenly it was. Suddenly her skin burned and an ache, a longing, started. Holly hadn't just married Gail for the body, but dear god in heaven and earth and all things else, she was everything Holly had ever wanted and all the things she thought she'd never have.

Holly was so, so glad to be proven wrong.

* * *

"We've got death," announced Juliet as she walked into the office, spotting her erstwhile partner just sitting down.

Gail groaned. "Come on, I just got back! Can't we start with a day of paperwork and catching up on email?"

"You don't want a drive-by on a remote road?" That caught Gail's attention quickly. Weird cases always did. "I'll even let you drive."

"Sold. But I expect a cake tomorrow!" Grabbing her jacket, Gail pulled it back on and followed Juliet back out.

Officer Yung took that opportunity to walk off the elevator with a box of donuts and a pair of coffees. "Uh… Welcome back, Detective?"

Gail cheekily took the box. The whole box. And the coffees "Thanks, Yung, you're the best!"

"You're incorrigible," said Juliet, taking the coffees and picking one for herself. "I sent him out for you, you know."

Muffled, because she was eating a donut, Gail replied. "You're the best then." The blonde's eyes were bright and amused.

Juliet peered into the box and picked her favourite donut. "So how was the honeymoon?"

"Good." Gail grinned. Her nose was a little red. They'd gone to someplace warm and tropical, but Gail had refused to tell anyone exactly where. Juliet, wisely, decided not to ask. "We went snorkelling and Holly made me try bungee jumping."

"That sounds way too athletic. You married a jock, Peck."

"Don't I know it." Gail chomped into a second donut and handed the box to Juliet so they could get into the car. "But it was nice to get away and just be able to … y'know be?"

Juliet laughed. "Do you even know how to do that?"

"I'm learning! Where are we going?"

"Ass end of beyond."

They beat forensics to the scene, which was rare since Holly had taken over. She liked things done promptly. Two sets of uniforms had the road area blocked off, though it was nearly unnecessary. This was the back roads of beyond.

"Helluva spot for a drive by," Gail said. She pulled on a pair of aviator sunglasses.

"Discrete. Maybe a hit?'

"Could be." Gail parked and stretched as she got out.

Juliet stood up and looked around. A professional hit would be fun, though. Not for the dead guy, but to dig into and maybe find some seedy people. As she surveyed the scene, Juliet's eye was caught by something shiny. Metallic. "Peck, I'm going to check something out."

"Don't get lost." Gail was studying the car.

She walked across the damp grass and brush, absently wondering about ticks, until Juliet found the shiny thing. A bicycle wheel. And a cyclist. Dead. And really, really, familiar looking.

Well now. That was very very odd.

"Hey, Peck. What's the thing about how we all have doppelgängers?"

Gail looked up from the body along the road side. "Something like we all have seven people who look just like us out there. I forget. Holly would know. Why? You find yours?"

Juliet shook her head. "Not mine. We got a second body though." She was a good bit away from the main accident, but looking at it, it was possible the vic had been thrown this way. How fast would the car have to be going to do that? If they were traveling in the same direction… Shit. Juliet realized those stupid word problems in school were useful.

Brushing off her pants, Gail walked over and froze. "Well that's fucking disturbing," she said, nearly a mutter.

"I kinda feel better it's not just me." Juliet tilted her head. "It's like… if Holly was a boy?"

"Ew. Can I not think about that?" But Gail frowned deeply. "Shit."

Like as not, Gail was thinking what Juliet was thinking. It wasn't like it was a secret that Holly had been adopted. Juliet knew that. She'd met the Stewarts at the wedding and they told everyone all about how they'd fostered her first, then adopted her at ten, and she'd been an awkward and gangly kid the whole time they'd had her. They showed photos of adoption day, putting them in an album with graduation day and, now, wedding day.

So no. It was not not like it was a secret to anyone. Still. One didn't expect to find a near-perfect male clone of one's coroner, who happened to be married to one's own partner, dead in a field.

And yet that was exactly what they had. A dead guy who was the spitting image of Holly Peck (née Stewart).

She had to ask. "Does Holly have any blood family?"

"Not that she knows of." Gail pulled on fresh gloves and double checked that the man was dead. It was perfunctory. He was ghastly pale and there was a pool of blood under him. "Dead cyclist. Dead driver with bullet holes. So… You think the driver was shot and veered off, clipping the cyclist and killing him?"

"You are taking the whole 'my wife has a dude dupe' way calmer than I would," Juliet said.

Gail sighed. "Well. I had a serial killer and his mentor make look-a-likes of me. After that, a nice coincidence is calming."

"I'm just saying, if it was Nick I'd be freaking the fuck out."

With that slightly evil smile, Gail looked up at her. "Whereas I would be carolling in the streets?"

Juliet rolled her eyes. "You're a pain in my ass, Peck. Why did I agree to be your partner?"

"Because I'm fucking awesome, we have fun cases, and we've got the best case closure record in, like, forever?"

It was true. Juliet had been offered the rank of sergeant, but it would have meant a desk job and no more cases like this. And Gail was totally right. This was fun. And they were good at it. "Where's forensics anyway?"

Gail looked back at the body. "They're having some sort of drama bullshit thing. Holly was complaining last night that her new guy is an idiot and she never should have left him without putting someone in charge of him directly."

"Duncan levels?"

"Oh yeah," said Gail, smirking. "You know, I thought Duncan's name was Gerald for the longest time." She studied the body a moment more and then shook her head. "I want his ID."

"Check his shoe."

Gail scowled. "Ward, if we take anything off the body, I will not hear the end of it for days. Weeks. _Years_."

Juliet laughed. "Whipped!"

"I actually like it when science closes our cases for us," said Gail with a snarl.

"I like it when forensics gets here right away." Juliet's counter was weak and she knew it.

Luckily, for both of their sakes, the crime scene SUV pulled up. "About damn time," Gail said in a low mutter.

"Uh, you're gonna take that back." Juliet frowned as Holly stepped out of the driver's side of the SUV. "Dr. Peck in the house."

If it hadn't been so sad, Gail's head snapping up would have been comical. "Fuck me." Her voice was soft and angry. It was an interesting mix.

"Go. I'll watch our double."

Nodding, Gail stood up and pulled her gloves off as she walked over to the SUV. From the distance, Juliet watched Holly's face turn from the very bright, pleased to see Gail, expression into one of confusion. There was some gesturing, a minion going to look at the dead driver, and Holly walked over to Juliet with Gail beside her.

"So." Holly pulled a pair of gloves on and looked down at the dead man.

"Yeah." Gail exhaled in agreement.

"That's _really_ fucking creepy," said Holly, decisively. "It's like ... A guy version of me."

Gail scowled. "Again, ew."

"Oh good, you've had that conversation?"

"Juliet says I'm way too calm about it." Gail shrugged and leaned over. "He has your nose."

Holly frowned. "A lot of people have noses like that."

"Holl, I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at your face. I think I'm qualified to say you gotta get off this case."

The doctor sighed and squatted by the man. "If the blood work looks anything like mine, I'll agree." She looked over her shoulder. "Hey, CSU, I need photos here."

Once the crime scene crew had taken the photos, Holly checked the pockets. "Anything useful?" Juliet wondered if the name was going to be the same as Holly's when she was a ward of the province.

"Jeremy Wilcox. Local." Holly shrugged. "Well. I guess we wait for the reports."

The doctor took the body back to the wagon and Gail sighed. "Yeah. This shit is just going to be weird as hell."

Juliet did not envy her at all. "Maybe it's just coincidence."

A despondent Gail, the one who had moved to Vancouver for a case, the one who had left her family and everything else behind, was the one who replied. "Juliet. Have you met my life? There's no such thing as coincidence. It's all just shit-on-Gail."

* * *

Staring at the results, Holly felt an unfamiliar sensation in the pit of her stomach. She hadn't felt this way in years, not since a drunken bender with Lisa and Rachel. Sick to her stomach. Swallowing bile, Holly closed the file and walked down the hall to her boss' office.

"Got a minute?"

He looked up, confused, and she held up two folders. "Is that the double homicide?"

"Murder and accidental death," she said shakily.

Maybe it was her tone that worried her boss, but Ira frowned. "You coming down with something?"

The answer Gail might give would be 'only an acute case of what the actual fuck.' But Holly was a bit more of a professional. "Not exactly. The bicyclist… His blood work came back."

"Already? That was this morning!"

"I rushed it." She put the files down on his desk. "I need you to assign someone else to the case."

Ira stared at her for a long moment. Slowly he opened the files and skimmed the first one. Then he looked at the second. "Holly. Why is your …" He stopped and swore. "Did you know?"

Holly shook her head. "No." The DNA was a down and dirty match, but it was a familial one. There was no hiding the fact that Jeremy Wilcox was her brother. And not just a half brother.

The evidence did not lie. It couldn't. It showed cold hard truths to anyone who had the bravery and temerity to look. Holly had always prided herself on being the bold one who looked. She didn't shy away from horrors. That was something her parents had given her. A strength.

Now science looked back at her and told her she had a brother. A full, biological, brother.

At eleven, she'd been upset her foster sister had opted not to be adopted. Alicia was older, and had a sister in Newfie. When she turned nineteen, Alicia hugged her foster parents and said goodbye to the only family she'd really known. She left them to be with her biological family, to try and make some sense of that.

It didn't make any sense to Holly. Why leave the safety and comfort and love of the Stewarts? They were the ones who cared and loved. They were the ones who sheltered and protected. They were the ones who _wanted_ Alicia and Holly and Drew.

Whoever Holly's parents were, they'd not wanted this other child anymore than they'd wanted her. That made her feel a little better. Maybe they'd abandoned him as well. Immediately she felt nauseated for even thinking such a horrible thought.

No one deserved to be abandoned. No one.

Holly's first clear memory was holding her belongings, meagre as they were. All she had were clothes that were out of season and didn't fit, a couple books, and a pair of glasses that were ungainly and not really the right prescription. They were close enough. And she wasn't even four years old. She was being taken to another temporary home, with five other girls. Within eighteen months, she'd been passed on to three more homes. One home, the mother hit her and Holly ran away. Another home, the older foster children stole her books and glasses and blamed her. At the fifth or sixth home, she fought back.

That was when she met Maya and Dieter. They weren't supposed to be there for her. Truthfully, the scraped and bloody and sullen seven year old caught not their attention but Alicia's. They were there for some information on Alicia's family, her missing sisters, and when the adults went to discuss things, the older girl spoke to her.

Why was Holly here? Where were her foster parents? Where was she going now?

And the answers didn't seem to help or please Alicia at all. As soon as Maya came out, Alicia demanded she talk to Holly and take her home.

Home, at that time, was a motor home that was already problematic when it came to a foster child. A second one, a violent child as Holly was now labeled, was an uphill battle. But it was calm Dieter who said that art and music could help. And if no one wanted this girl, then they would try.

Holly remembered not caring. She remembered trying to do her own dishes and laundry. She remembered Maya asking if she wanted help. She remembered Alicia asking what she wanted to eat. And as much as Holly loved her mother now, the strongest memory was her creeping to peek at Dieter's paintings.

He'd set himself up in the garage, often drawing the motor home as it was parked by their rental house. The shitty house they'd picked just so they could sort out what could be done with Holly. They had insisted she stay out of school for a little while, until she could be herself, and homeschooled her. Mornings was reading and history, afternoons was math and a little science. As much as a seven year old needed those things.

But after her lessons with Maya, and before Alicia came home from public school, she was free to walk around the neighbourhood. She just had to tell them where she was going. They bought her clothes that fit, that were in style, and that were hers. They bought her a watch so she could know when to come home. And Dieter painted.

So Holly moved a box to below the window and peeked in, watching him paint. Seeing a world be created by his mind and his hand was fascinating. Two weeks went by before Dieter asked if she wanted to learn how to paint. Holly hadn't even drawn so much as a stick figure house before then, and said she didn't know how.

Those lessons, the ones of creation, were the ones that helped her the most. The next time the social worker came over, Holly was laughing and happy. She teased Alicia and sat in Maya's lap to have her hair braided. She hung off Dieter's neck and asked him when they were going to drive around in the motor home and see places.

Those were her parents.

Not the mysterious unknown people who abandoned not one but two children.

"Sit down," ordered Ira.

As soon as Holly sat, she realized she had somehow gone past a little sick to her stomach and into woozy. "Interesting," she muttered, feeling herself slip out of real cognitive awareness. This was what the world felt like when too much happened at once. Holly had always thought it would be a little different. Maybe it would be like in the movies, where everything slowed down. But no, no everything just tuned right out.

A familiar voice cut in through the white noise. "Hey, Holly? Please confirm existence."

She looked up and blinked, surprised to see her wife standing right there. "Hey. When did you get here?"

Gail sighed. "Ira called me fifteen minutes ago, Holl. You blipped out."

Holly frowned. "What? No, we were talking about the case and I have to be recused..." She turned to her boss, who had the worried dad look going on. "Oh. I've ... You know, everyone looses time now and again, but I've never had it happen like that."

Pulling up a chair, Gail sat facing Holly. "Uh huh, emotional trauma's a trip, babe. Look at me for a second, will you?"

For some reason, Holly found herself smiling as she looked at her wife. "Hi."

"She's just in delayed shock," declared Gail. "I'll take her home."

"I've never seen shock hit quite like that." Ira sounded worried.

"I have," said Gail, flatly. "Holl, come on. Let's pack up your stuff and go home."

Holly found it incredibly hard to concentrate on what was happening. She barely followed along as Gail guided her through packing up and getting in the car to go home. It wasn't until she was at the house, standing on the front porch, that everything actually clicked into place.

"I have a brother," she said to Gail, pausing at the door.

"Yeah," replied her wife, her voice soft.

"I have a brother. Not a half brother, a brother brother. We share 25% of our DNA. Did you know I have my mother's DNA?" She turned to look at Gail, unable to stop talking. "It's illegal, but when I was in Toronto, I looked up my case and hers and there was hair. From her brush. And I ran the DNA, just to be sure. Because we didn't really do that so much in the 70s and 80s after all." Holly faltered.

Reaching past her, Gail unlocked the door. "And?"

"Oh. And she's my mother. Whoever she was. Biologically at least. My Mom, Maya, is my mom. She, you know, she's Mom. She raised me. She taught me how to ride a bike." Holly paused. "Who taught you?"

"To ride a bike?" Gail snorted and gently pushed Holly inside. "No one. I taught myself."

Holly sighed and took off her jacket. It was by rote. She knew she was only doing what was normal and expected of her just then, but she lacked the ability to do anything else. Just like she had no ability to filter what was coming out of her mouth. "If I had a choice between my parents and yours, my birth parents I mean, I'd take mine."

"Holly. You don't remember anything about them." Gail hung up the jackets and tapped on her phone. "How about you sit down. I'll make tea?"

Shaking her head, Holly fidgeted. "No. I think. Can we go running? Or do something physical? Not sex, I mean I love sex. Especially with you, but I'm kinda wired and I'm freaking out. Oh. Is this how you felt when you cut off your hair?"

With a sigh, Gail gently took hold of Holly's elbow. "No, I was having a panic attack. You're in shock, Holly."

Holly nodded. "You're right. You're right. This is an adrenal response. I'm probably going to start shaking in a minute and..." She trailed off. "Oh my god, Gail. I had a brother." The sob crawled out of her throat and Holly covered her mouth. "And he's dead. And I don't know anything."

"There it is," said Gail, knowingly. Suddenly Holly found herself sitting on the couch and her hands were shaking. Gail's arms were around her and the tears started pouring. The feeling of abandonment, of pain and loss. The anger and despair she'd felt as a little girl all came back in a moment.

Wave upon wave of agony washed through her, hot and salty and burning. Holly sobbed and buried her face into Gail's shoulder. Her wife didn't say anything, just held her close and rocked gently. How could she have had a sibling? How could this be a thing that, her entire life, she'd never known? Had her mother been pregnant when she'd abandoned Holly? Why didn't she remember anything?

Holly gasped for breath and tried to apologize, but Gail whispered that it was alright. Everything was alright.

But it was a lie. Nothing was alright.

Holly had a brother. She had a brother and he was dead and she'd lost the only blood family she might possibly have known.

Why did feeling pain for something she'd never known hurt so much? But it did. It seared her soul, red hot pokers in her heart. For a moment it showed her a world where she had her birth parents, and then it ripped it apart.

She had lost something she'd never had. And the only thing holding her together was the person who was always there for her.

Giving in to the raw agony, Holly clung to Gail and sobbed.

* * *

 _Don't worry, there's more. Holly just literally cannot process all this right now. She has to decide if she wants to know more. Spoilers? It would be a very short fic if she didn't want to know more. Unless her mother's a serial killer..._


	2. Harbor Me From The Anger

**Chapter Two: Harbor Me From The Anger**

 _Later that same day..._

* * *

"She's finally asleep," Gail said softly, ushering Juliet in.

"She must be exhausted." The woman was carrying a box that was larger than Gail had anticipated.

Gail hesitated. "I gave her some Haldol." When Juliet stared at her, shocked, she shrugged. "What? It was Ira's idea."

Shaking her head, Juliet put the box on the kitchen table. "Where the hell did you even get that, or do I not want to know?"

"The hospital. Ira called her doctor, we explained what happened." Their doctor, thank god, was understanding of the situation and willing to make an allowance. He'd given them one pill, given Gail a hell of a lot of instructions, and then muttered that it was probably illegal. Apparently coercion was a Peck skill she'd not known she'd had.

Her partner looked doubtful. "Where is she?"

"Couch." Gail glanced at the files, but went to check on her wife first. Curled up, hugging a pillow, the blanket had slipped off Holly's shoulder. Gently, Gail tugged it up and kissed Holly's forehead.

When she got back to the kitchen, Juliet had opened the box and sorted things out. "That pile is Jeremy Wilcox. That one is Jane Doe. The rest of the case files are in Toronto. Maybe Noelle would grab 'em?"

"No. No that's Holly's call, not mine."

Juliet looked suspicious. "And this?"

"This is... This is as far as I'm willing to go."

Looking over at the couch, Juliet sighed. "I just feel intrusive."

"Who took the case?"

"It's still ours. But it looks like an accident. The skid marks." Juliet opened one file and handed it over.

They ended up going over Jeremy's death, page by page. Ballistics was still running the slugs found in their dead man, but they'd processed the road and had a working theory of the situation. Based on Jeremy's attire and the wear on his clothes, he was a regular bicyclist. Gail muttered that athleticism ran in the family.

But, as Juliet noted, the skid marks on the road looked like Jeremy had been clipped by the car as it stopped, subsequent to being shot, and flung into the road. Either the shooter hadn't seen him, hadn't cared, or had assumed that he wouldn't hear the gunfire. The parents, George and Mary, had been contacted and would be there in the morning to ID the body.

Gail grimaced. That was soon and yet not. "Why tomorrow?"

"They're in Whitehorse, filming some reality tv series." Juliet yawned and her stomach grumbled. "Can we order food?"

"That's a great idea." Gail reached for her phone. "Thai."

"Noodles. That chicken thing."

Gail hushed her and dialed the familiar number. "Hi, it's Gail Peck. I'd like to make a delivery order." The woman on the phone recognized her name and asked if she wanted the usual. "Not today. One ginger cilantro chicken, a crying tiger, the short pork ribs with mango, fried rice, and two orders of the crab puff pastries. Oh and can the guy text me instead of ringing the bell?" Transaction completed, Gail smiled. The idea of good Thai food sounded great.

"No doorbell?"

"It'll probably wake Holly up, and I bet she'll have a killer headache."

Juliet frowned. "How has us talking not done that already?"

"The doorbell is really fucking loud." Smiling, Gail flipped the notes again. "So this is what you're gonna present to the boss?"

Her partner nodded. "Murder causing an accidental homicide. Do you think that will be any easier for Holly?"

"No. Not at all." Gail sighed. "Type this up, will you?"

Juliet flipped her off and booted her laptop to enter the case notes. As quietly as possible, Gail boxed up the papers on Jeremy Wilcox's death, leaving out the ones on his birth, abandonment, adoption. In a second stack were the papers about Jane Doe. No name. No ID in the system. No DNA.

DNA.

Hand on the file, Gail frowned.

"What's going on in that brain, Peck?" Juliet hadn't even looked up.

"We can't ID his mother because there is no DNA."

"Correct."

"What if there was?"

Juliet looked up. "From Holly's case file? That shit is sealed."

"Yeah, but her brain isn't. She ran a DNA check on the hair when she was in Toronto."

Blinking, Juliet tapped her keyboard. "Okay. Your wife checked the DNA of hair from her own, sealed, case files? Was she bored on Christmas or something?"

Gail waved a hand. "It was after her girlfriend before me dumped her. She was feeling depressed."

"Your wife is weird. Anyway, that's back in Toronto. Again, gotta make it official and call Noelle."

"You think Holly didn't keep a copy?"

Juliet turned and stared at the couch. "No bet." She tapped on the keys again. "Technically thats illegal, y'know."

"So? She was abandoned at three years old, Jules. She has a right to wonder."

Juliet frowned. "I can't even imagine that. Makes me want to call my parents and tell them I love them."

Getting fresh drinks, Gail pointed out the obvious. "Your parents are an alcoholic asshole and an actual psychotic. How is your mom, anyway?"

Her partner shrugged. Juliet's father had been arrested four times in the three years Gail had known her. The second time, Gail had been there when he was released sans license for a DUI. Juliet hadn't even shouted at him, just resignedly driven him home, taken all the alcohol out of the house, and asked him to please check himself into rehab. Which he never did.

On the other hand Juliet's mother had, years before Juliet joined the force, suffered a psychotic break and slashed at the mailman when he'd tried to deliver a package. Since Juliet's teen years, her mother had been in an institution, incapable of taking care of herself, and unresponsive to any treatments.

"It's funny," Juliet said thoughtfully. "My parents are crazy. Yours are absolute assholes and emotionally abusive. Holly has the best parents in the world and, simultaneously, the worst."

"Nick's got dead parents," mused Gail. "We make a pretty awesome quartet."

"I'm going to tell Nick you said that."

"Don't you dare, or I'll tell him what you really think of that thing where he licks your neck."

Juliet smirked. "Bitch."

"Love you too." Her phone pinged. "That'd be the Thai. Will you get that? I'm gonna wake up the hot chick."

"As long as you paid this time."

Gail smiled as Juliet went to the door. On the couch, Holly was sleeping less deeply. The doctor had only prescribed a half dosage, which was good. "Hey, Holly. You should wake up."

Her wife, adorably, wrinkled her nose. "No."

"No?" Gail smiled and brushed Holly's hair back. "Why not?"

"Today sucks."

"I know. But your blood sugar is for shit and you should eat."

A pair of beautiful brown eyes opened. "Eat?"

"Thai food. I got you the crying tiger."

"And crab?"

"Yeah, and crab." Gail kissed Holly's forehead softly. "Come on. Get up, wash your face and we can go over the hospital records or not."

Holly blinked a few times. "You got me the hospital records? Of ... Of Jeremy's birth?"

"Yeah, Jules brought them over. I figured if you wanted to compare your birth mother's DNA to his, just to be sure. I mean," Gail hesitated. "I'm sure you memorized it but I know you like to be sure. And this way you can be sure. That was wrong. Shit." Looking at Holly's confused face, Gail felt a wash of self-doubt cascade over her. This was the wrong thing. "Shit, I'm sorry, Holly. Give me five minutes, I'll have it all boxed up-"

A firm hand took hold of the back of Gail's neck, pulling her in for a kiss. Was this what it felt like to be on the receiving end of the kiss in interrogation? There was nothing hopeful or sexual about this kiss. It was just like the coat room. A pressing of lips, warm and welcome and world changing. Gail exhaled as Holly moved away, the lingering sensation of the lips on hers making her smile.

"Sorry," whispered Holly. "I'm too... I'm fuzzy. And I can't think how to make you shut up."

"That worked." Gail reached up to caress Holly's face. "Maybe we should look tomorrow. The Haldol has to wear off."

"Ah." Holly sighed. "Vitamin H. That was a good idea."

"I thought about weed, but it's easier to get a prescription for Haldol, which is disturbing."

Holly giggled. "Weed makes me paranoid. The last time I took it, I locked myself in a closet and Lisa had to lure me out with pizza."

Smirking, Gail stood up. "Good to know. Come on." She held out her hands and tugged Holly up.

By the time Holly washed up, Gail and Juliet had set the table and moved the boxes around.

"Is Nick coming?" Holly glanced around, thoughtfully.

"No," said Juliet. "Do you... Do you want him to come over?"

Holly looked stricken. "No. Just. I don't know. Can I have coffee, Gail?"

"Yes, dear." Gail kissed her head and started the coffee making process. "Jules?"

The native to Vancouver held a hand up, thumb up. "The super strong one that puts hair on your chest, please." Jules was tapping on her phone. "Okay, boyfriend diverted for the night. Food, then case?"

With a scowl, Holly asked, "Is my family really a case?"

"Mystery?" Gail shrugged and gave Holly the first espresso. Cream and sugar added, as Holly loved. "Food first, though. Dr. Peck needs to eat."

It didn't take long for them to plow through the first round of food. Licking the sweet crab sauce her finger, Juliet opened the first file. "Jeremy or Jane?"

Holly blinked, much more together now that she was fed. "Excuse me?"

"Jeremy or his mother, Jane Doe?"

Holly made a face. "My mother's name is Jane Doe? She's dead?"

Gail smiled and picked a small bit of meat off Holly's plate. "No. When people don't give names, they use John or Jane Doe. It's not just for dead people. Didn't you know that?"

"Clearly not," replied Holly, peevishly. She was allowed to be in a bad mood, decided Gail. "Jeremy, please."

Giving Gail a glance, Juliet shrugged. "Baby boy Doe was adopted by George and Mary Wilcox. They work for Discovery Channel, filming reality TV. George used to be a nurse, and was there when Jane Doe was brought in. Case notes say she was picked up after her water broke and she threw a chair into a passing car."

"Pleasant," muttered Holly. "So he was there when she gave birth?"

"Yeah, strung the hell out." Gail reached past Holly and picked up the file. "Like how was she conscious levels."

Holly leaned into Gail and read the file. "Wow. That's insane."

"I know. That's worse than the shit my dad got into." Juliet shook her head. "No ID on her, nothing in the system."

"Oh!" Holly snapped her fingers and jumped to her feet, only to wobble. "Damn it... Gail how much fucking H did you give me?"

Gail rolled her eyes. "Half a milligram, nerd. Sit down. What am I getting?"

"Folder in the filing cabinet, with my adoption records, labeled Smith."

Juliet looked surprised. "Smith?"

"Pre-adoption name. Didn't know how else to file it." Holly shrugged. "And no, I don't remember their names. I was three."

As Holly explained her childhood, Gail trotted upstairs. She knew the story as well as she knew her own life's story. At three, Holly had been found alone in an apartment, no parents in sight. The girl hadn't known where they'd gone and promptly ended up in the system. Since Holly didn't remember any details, and she never asked, her adopted parents didn't tell her anything more. Up until now, that hadn't been a problem in the slightest.

Now it was a question.

Gail sighed and went into the office, unlocking the files. Holly had her own drawer, as did Gail, and they shared a third. All the paperwork from the Peckstorm that had ruined most of her life was on Gail's shelf. She frowned at it. As of late, they had been quiet. Steve was doing alright, Bill was steadfastly refusing to talk to her, and Elaine was playing a weird game where she called and awkwardly tried to ask Gail how she was for ten minutes before hanging up.

But the storm was as much over as it was likely to be. There was no more fallout because there was nothing left to fight over. Cases were re-closed, and nary a Peck worked in the city of Toronto anymore. In fact, as far as Gail knew, there were only two Pecks left in law enforcement in all of Canada. And they lived in the same house in Vancouver.

What a strange, strange world. Two Pecks. And it was going to end with them, unless they had kids... Which they still hadn't talked about yet. Would that be something Holly would want more or less now that they had some truth to her past finally revealed?

Funnily enough, Gail used to pretend that she was adopted. It explained why she was such a different Peck to her cousins. But. She looked just like her mother. She had her father's eyes. It was, in a word, horrible. There was no way to deny she was a Peck through and through. And any child she had would be a Peck. Maybe it was best she didn't have a child.

Shoving that depressing thought away, Gail found the file and brought it downstairs. Holly was wrapping up the recap of her childhood. "I never asked my parents. I mean... I just assumed they didn't know. How could they?"

"They might have read your records, before they were sealed? I know allowances are made." Juliet paused and looked up at the stairs and Gail. "Hey, Gail is it weird that Jeremy's records are sealed but his mother's aren't?"

"Kinda." She sat down beside Holly. "Her case is open. Did you read it yet, Hol?"

Her wife shook her head and took the file. "Can I have the run down?"

Juliet eyed Gail, who nodded. "Right. Jane Doe was screaming about how her babies had all been stolen by the hospitals and social services."

Silence reigned for a moment. "Babies." Holly's voice was a whisper.

"Yeah," said Juliet sadly.

"Plural." Holly turned to look at Gail. The wheels were obviously turning in Holly's head. Babies. "She said that _before_ giving birth?" Both Gail and Juliet nodded. "I see." Babies meant that, before Jeremy was born, there was more than one. More than just Holly.

Gail opened her file and looked at the DNA results on 'UnSub Smith.' Without a word, Juliet flipped to the DNA in her file. It was a perfect match. "How'd she get away?" Gail tried to read upside down.

"Uncuffed herself."

Impressive, thought Gail. She'd never tried doing it from a hospital bed. "That's a neat trick." She glanced at her wife.

Holly was thoughtful and introspective. "When are his parents coming?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. You..." Juliet stopped. "You're not coming, are you?"

"I don't know." Holly leaned back and sighed. "I doubt showing up would help. I look too much like him." But then she looked at Gail. "Would... Would you?"

Of all the things Holly might have asked, Gail had not expected that. And it was a hell of a question. Logically the name Peck meant nothing to them. It was safe for Gail to talk to them about the non-murder of their son. The oddity of talking to the parents of her unknown brother in law...

Gail nodded.

If it had been her parents, she'd have laughed. If it had been anyone else, she would have ignored it. But it was her wife, the one person Gail would move the world for. Anything Holly needed, ever, she'd do.

* * *

After arguing with Hayes for an hour, Juliet finally got his okay on letting Gail be there to talk to the parents. It was incredibly creepy to Juliet to see the body of Jeremy Wilcox. She couldn't understand why Gail was okay with it. But there stood her partner, calm as anything, watching the sheet be pulled back.

George and Mary were nice people. Understandably they were sad to find their son dead. That was an understatement. They were shattered. Juliet and Gail waited outside the morgue, watching the parents sob over the body of their dead son.

"This is the shittiest part of the job," said Juliet softly.

Beside her, Gail snorted. "I was trying to think how I'd feel if it was my parents over my body."

"Well you'd be dead." Juliet winced as Gail punched her shoulder. "I bet my parents would hallucinate the fuck out of it."

"I'm betting mine wouldn't show up."

"Likely." Juliet sighed. "Makes you not want to have kids."

Her partner fell silent in a different way. Working with Gail for three and a half years, Juliet had learned to read the variegated types of quiet that came from the blonde. There was a silence of contemplation and one of disgust. She had a special one for when she felt a person was being absolutely idiotic and another for when she was impressed. And then there was this silence.

This one was the silence that stemmed from someone accidentally voicing Gail's internal thoughts. Not the ones that were insulting to people. The thought she'd kept private. A thought like maybe asking Holly about moving in or a proposal or a baby.

And Gail knew that Juliet knew her silences. "No one's pregnant." She shoved her hands in the pockets of her jacket. "We haven't even talked about it."

Juliet had, with both Nick and Gail. There had been a pregnancy scare shortly after the Perik shit. At the time, knowing how much shit Gail was working through, Juliet had been too terrified to bring it up. And then Gail sat down at breakfast, just the two of them, and handed over a pregnancy test. Because she just knew and in her own, strange, way, Gail was a friend who cared deeply.

That friendship was why Juliet stood up for Gail's right to be there and interview the Wilcox family.

"I think you two could do it."

"Probably," said Gail, agreeing. "But this shit. Now I can't even ask. And I don't even know what I want." She sighed. "I wish we were straight. Then we could just skip condoms and let life take it's course."

Juliet smiled. "I suggest you try anyway. Maybe you can make a miracle."

Gail blinked and then laughed. "Asshole."

That was Gail for 'thanks.' Juliet was about to give Gail shit when she saw the family move. "They're coming."

"You lead," said Gail, tossing her coffee cup away.

The door opened and George Wilcox startled when he saw the two women. "Mr. Wilcox. I'm Detective Ward, this is my partner, Detective Peck. I'm sorry but we have a few questions."

Mary Wilcox frowned. "Detectives?"

"Homicide." Juliet waited for the word to sink in. "Would you please come with us?"

Stunned, the parents followed them upstairs and into an interrogation room. "Was Jeremy murdered?" George spoke the moment the door closed.

"Homicide investigates all suspicious deaths," said Juliet, carefully. "Please sit down."

The silent Gail pulled out a chair for the parents and then leaned against the wall by the glass. Both Mary and George glanced at her but then focused on Juliet. "What happened?"

"We believe your son was in the wrong place at the wrong time." Juliet cleared her throat and then explained the situation. That they knew Jeremy was an avid cyclist. That they knew he loved that empty road and was training for a 300 mile ride. They knew Jeremy was an accountant and had loved numbers. And they knew, based on the skid marks and the bent fender and the recent wear on his brakes that Jeremy had tried to stop, been unable to, was hit by a skidding car, and thrown to his death.

The parents cried again. Juliet mentally reminded herself not to have children. The world was a terrible, horrible place. It stole your loved ones. It ruined your heart. Having kids were like leaving your heart out in the open air. What had Gail said? One drunken night, before Nick took the job and before Holly had appeared, they'd been talking about love. Holly ripped her heart out and splattered it against the wall. And that was what love was.

As the parents of Jeremy slowly came to grips with their new reality, that their love, their heart, their son was dead, Gail finally spoke.

"Your son was adopted, is that correct?"

They looked up at her, surprised. "Yes," said George. "But I thought... You said his death was an accident."

Gail nodded and sat down. "We believe so, yes. But there is a possibility. It's slim. It's possible this might be related to his birth parents. Made to look like an accident."

It was only because she'd spent years with Gail that Juliet didn't double take. Pulling crap out of the air like this, it was something Gail was phenomenal at doing. And usually she'd come up with the gold ring when she did anything like this. "While we can't tell you details of the other case," said Juliet carefully, giving Gail an eye. "We're hoping that, possibly, details on Jeremy's birth family might help us eliminate some variables."

For a moment, Juliet doubted anyone would buy that bull. And then Mary nodded. "He was a baby. I never... I never met her." She looked at her husband. "George was a nurse back then."

The husband nodded. "I was there. When he was born, I held him first. His mother, she was crazy." George paused. "Given what she was on, I guess I shouldn't be shocked."

"Was Jeremy addicted too?" Gail's voice was gentle. It was a tone she generally only used for children.

"He was. I spent that first month with him, every day." George wiped his eyes. "I always thought that's why he was such a health nut. He knew, he always knew he was adopted and that his mother got him hooked."

Gail nodded. "His mother left right away. Picked the lock on her cuffs in an hour."

Surprisingly, George shook his head. "I know that's what they wrote down, but that wasn't it." He sighed. "She was cuffed, but it was so loose anyone could have gotten out. I don't think anyone thought she was going to run off, though. She had a newborn!"

"Did she name him?"

"She did," said George, surprised at the question. "Jeremy. She called him Jeremy and then screamed she couldn't keep him. She almost threw him. I think that's part of why the courts gave him to us so fast."

"But you looked for her?" Gail somehow asked the question so unpressingly, it was practically casual. Like they were just having a conversation.

Mary nodded. "We did. Every year, on his birthday, we would call the police to see if they'd found anything. For years. And then, when Jeremy was fifteen, he asked us not to."

Asked them? Juliet looked at Gail who was equally surprised. "Did he say why?"

"He did. He said..." Mary paused and smiled at her husband. "He said we were his parents. And he didn't need to know anything else."

When Jeremy was fifteen, Holly was nineteen. It would be years before she ran her mother's DNA, just to be sure. Had the Wilcoxes kept looking, they might have found each other. But did that mean none of the other children had looked? Or had they simply not survived past childhood? What a horrible mess.

As they left, Mary paused and looked at Gail. "There was always one thing I wondered about. "

"Ma'am?" Gail was impossibly calm, but Juliet swore she could hear her mind spinning.

"The mother. Jane Doe? She said she had babies. I always wondered if that meant Jeremy had siblings."

Gail's voice hitched. "What... Would that change anything?"

Mary sighed. "I'd want to know they were alright. Loved. And maybe I could tell them how wonderful their brother was... And maybe. Maybe he could live on in them."

They were silent until the elevator doors closed for their ride back up. "Okay. So we know nothing," said Juliet.

Shaking her head, Gail leaned against the wall. "We know her mother's a runner. And now that we have two exemplars of her genetics, we can scan for any more siblings. But... Did you catch the timing on all this?"

Juliet eyed her partner. "No. What timing?"

"Jeremy's Holly's full brother."

"We knew _that_ ," said Juliet, derisively. "DNA."

"Yeah, but it means when she lit out on Holly, she was pregnant. Which means her father's probably still in Toronto."

"Not like Holly would remember," said Juliet with a sigh. "Think it's a mental block?"

Gail nodded and stepped off the elevator. "Trauma does funny things. I still don't remember a lot about Perik."

That was understandable. "I don't remember a damned thing about Andro," she admitted. "It's all one big blur once he put the knife to my neck." Juliet paused. "Jesus. You think they did anything to her?"

The blonde sighed loudly. "I really hope not. But digging into it anymore, that's gotta be her choice, Jules. Not mine."

* * *

It was Gail's idea to sit outside after dinner. She pulled out a fuzzy blanket, spreading it over a spot in the backyard and turning off all the lights in the house. Holly was desperate enough to shut her brain up that she followed without a word, stretching out on the blanket with Gail and resting her head on Gail's shoulder. The strong, noodle arm wrapped around her, holding Holly close and safe.

While Gail looked up at the stars, Holly picked up the detective's left hand and ran her thumb over the scar. It had healed as much as it was ever going to. A thin, wavy line across the whole width of her palm, bisecting the simian lines. It ran from between Gail's pinky and ring finger, down to the meat of her palm.

They had been incredibly lucky that it had been as shallow as it was. A cut like that had every chance to sever tendons. It could have ended Gail's career. Instead, it was an everlasting reminder of a flubbed proposal. Like their rings, it was something physical that Holly could touch and understand as a thing.

When Lisa had seen the original scar, she'd criticized the hell out of the surgeon and promptly extended her stay after the wedding in order to fix it. Gail hadn't really argued, finding it hilarious and a decent apology for torpedoing them the first time. From Holly's point of view, the surgical work by Lisa was superb. The jagged lines from the tear were smooth. There was no sign of the stitches.

"Admiring Lisa's handiwork?"

"Admiring your simian lines."

"My what?" Gail picked her head up, surprised.

"The lines on your palm." Holly traced the lightly. "Heart, love, life... They're just creases in your palm from how you close your hands. But Mom... Mom would say this cut represents severing your old life from the new. That the universe wanted to define you as not what you had been, but what you are now and what you could and would be."

Gail huffed. "I can't believe Maya and Celery got along so well."

Smiling, Holly kissed Gail's palm and stretched along side her. Immediately, Gail's right hand began to stroke her hair. Her mother had loved Oliver and Celery, who stood in for Gail's parents. The witch and the hippie talked for hours about how lives were intertwined, and how Gail and Holly were destined for each other.

"I think Dad was jealous."

"He and Ollie can be bros while Maya and Celery talk about the mystical nature of love and life." Gail yawned. "How are you feeling?"

The data dump from Gail that evening had been hard to take. "I... I don't know. I want see them, meet them, and I don't."

Gail's hand kept stroking her hair, soothingly. "I didn't tell them about you."

"Thank you." Holly shifted and looked up at the stars. "What was the Peck Cabin like?"

"Until I was twelve, awesome."

"What happened at twelve?"

The hand on her hair paused. "So. We've got this place up north of the city, Toronto, three hour drive if there isn't traffic. Beautiful. No one nearby. No power except the generator. At night, you could see the stars."

Holly looked at Gail from the corner of her eyes. "Like here?"

"Yeah. Like here." Gail hesitated. The hand moved to rest on Holly's head. "It was in the family for a hundred years. I don't know if they have it anymore. Maybe it was part of the gang shit too, dunno." There was a tension to Gail's voice. "Anyway. There was this one summer, I was twelve years old. My parents drive us into town. I went into the store to get something... A magazine with Johnny Depp I think. Candy bars. Usual kid shit. And when I came out, Mom and Dad were gone."

"Gone?" Holly was surprised. "They just left you?"

"Yep. You find your way home through the woods, on your own. It's a Peck family tradition."

Holly made a face. "If we have kids, I'm squelching that idea."

"Well I don't have a cabin anymore, Holly," Gail pointed out sincerely.

There was something in the undercurrent. Holly frowned. "Do you want kids?"

Gail laughed. "What?"

"Children. Would you... Do you want any?"

"I don't know," said Gail. Her voice was quiet and thoughtful. "Sometimes. But then I think about the shit my parents did, and this with your birth mom, and I think that we live in a world where bringing more kids into it is horrifying..."

That made sense. Holly sighed. "I used to think I'd adopt. Save some kid from the system. Make the world better. But I never thought about siblings. Not like this."

"You never looked for your birth mother?"

"No," said Holly, guiltily. "I thought about it, but never seriously. It just … It was what it was."

Gail made a noise as if she understood that. "Do you want to look now?"

Holly didn't answer for a while. "I don't know."

Nodding, Gail accepted the statement for what it was. "Well. Whatever you decide. I got a whole building full of cops who want to help."

Silent again, Holly closed her eyes and settled against Gail's shoulder again. It was safer. They lay like that, quietly. "I should call my folks, huh?"

"I would," said Gail. She ran her fingers through Holly's hair and over her back. "I mean, you have the cool parents."

"Hey, your mom's been cool lately."

"Relatively. It's like saying Mercury is cooler than the sun. Still too hot for me to want to handle."

Holly laughed softly. "You made a science joke."

"You're rubbing off on me, babe."

"Can I decide later?"

"Sure." Gail was so calm about it, it was more soothing than the hand caressing her hair.

Holly exhaled and let her body relax, pressed up against her wife. They'd have to go inside, shower, and change for bed in a while. But for a while, she could forget about the confusion and pain.

The facts were simple, if few. Her birth mother had been totally insane, and her brother was born eight months after Holly had gone into the system. Meaning her birth father had to be around the months before the abandonment. Which meant her father left her.

There was absolutely no memory at all of any of it. Holly's first clear memory was her first foster parents explaining about the new school when she was five. Maya, the woman she thought of as her mother, had taken her to therapy and tried to help her remember the first years of her life. But to Holly it was all a blank.

And Holly had an incredible memory. She could remember every class she'd ever taken, every book she'd read, and every song she'd sung. She remembered every camping trip with her parents. The time her baby brother, Drew, tried eat the Christmas tree.

Her brother Drew.

Her brother Jeremy.

Holly sighed. She opened her eyes and looked up at Gail. The blonde's eyes were closed, a small smile gracing her lips. Gail looked younger than her years just then, not childlike (though certainly she could be that) but youthful. Holly reached up and caressed Gail's face, letting her fingers trace the cheekbones and jawline.

"Hey," said Gail softly.

"Hey." Holly pushed herself up to sitting. "I can't turn my brain off."

The blonde tucked both hands under her head. "Lie back down and count the stars." Gail's blue eyes opened, bright, cold, and yet warm.

Her heart stopped. Not literally. It was the way it had stopped the first time Holly had seen the woman. The pale skin, the sharp gaze, and features that struck Holly and told her that this, this was why she'd been born a lesbian. It was for a woman of beauty but also brilliance. A woman who looked like she walked off the silver screen and a mind like a diamond to match. Gail was witty and darkly funny and not only didn't mind that Holly had a weird job, she had one too.

From the get go, Holly felt Gail was the girl for her. If only Gail was gay, or bi. And then she was. And then Gail had seen through the babble to discern the meaning. And then Gail knew that Holly cared about her. And then the woman who spurned all love, all attention, all affection, kissed her.

Sometimes Gail joked that her world changed the moment she kissed Holly back in the coat room. Holly knew her world would never be the same the second Gail had her hands on Holly's face and held her still to kiss her. It was desperation and fear and hope and desire. It was everything Holly had hoped for and dreamed about.

Now she was married to the dream.

Instead of lying back down, Holly leaned in and kissed Gail softly. She let her lips ghost over Gail's, their breath mingling, and then she gave in to gravity. Her wife's lips were soft and warm and inviting. Luscious. Desirous. As they kissed, Gail's lips parted slightly, welcoming.

Holly braced her hands on either side of Gail's head, fingers digging into the blanket and the earth below. "I want to go inside," Holly said softly, kissing Gail's jawline and then neck.

"If that's what works," said Gail, freeing her hands and gently pushing Holly away. "But you have to let me up."

Sighing, Holly kissed Gail once more before getting up. She watch Gail methodically shake out the blanket and fold it up. The detective seemingly absently swept the yard with a glance, looking for anything they'd forgotten. Gail was obsessive about keeping the place looking beautiful, which to her meant not letting the yard look like anything but the nearly wild land it was. Gail mowed to the tree line and left it at that. Nature did its thing, and she wouldn't fuck with it.

They dusted off their legs and held hands, walking the short slope back to the house. There, Holly distracted herself with the woman who'd crashed into her life and upturned it all. She forgot a world that was anything beyond the two of them, just for a little while.

When she'd been a young girl and was introduced to the idea of what attraction was supposed to be for another person, Holly had been terrified that her thought was of a girl. Her best friend, a girl who had money and expensive toys, but always wanted to play with Holly at her simple house with her hippie parents. And then, one day, they'd been watching _Star Wars_ at Ruthie's place, a laser disc, and Ruthie's older sister announced that Luke was cute, but Han was more her type.

Suddenly Holly realized there was a world where people really did talk about things like that. Ruthie didn't, and she hadn't, but they saw in the older sister a glimpse of what they would become. Ruthie said she liked the cute ones, and then the sisters both looked at Holly. She remembered turning beet red and muttering that she liked Han.

It was a truth. But she didn't want to date Han. She wanted to _be_ Han Solo. She wanted to be the lovable rogue, witty and snide and shooting first. She wanted to fix the Millennium Falcon and be a pilot. She wanted to use a blaster and save the princess. Never once, not ever, did Holly want to be rescued. And if Ruthie wanted to be Princess Leia, then Holly was Han, but now it was all ruined because Holly couldn't be the boy. She didn't want to be the boy, she wanted to be the girl who did the boy things.

When she got home that night, Holly shouted she didn't want to go to Ruthie's anymore and cried in her room. Maya came in and climbed into Holly's bunk bed, hugging her and telling her no matter what it was, she could tell Maya, and she would always be loved. Because Holly was their daughter. Because they loved her.

Eventually, weeks and weeks later, she told her mother that she thought she was broken. Her friends were starting to like boys. She didn't. And Maya told her that was normal too. Sometimes girls liked boys, and boys liked girls. But sometimes girls liked other girls, and boys liked boys. Some people liked both. Some never liked either. Some people were born boys when they should have been girls, and so on and so forth. But as long as she wasn't mean to anyone, as long as Holly was honest and good and kind, Maya and Dieter would never be hurt by whomever she loved.

Of course, Dieter sat her down for a talk about bigots and homophobes. He wanted his little girl to be prepared for the assholes out there. And Holly realized that it didn't matter. She had people who loved her no matter what. She was protected and safe and even when people would hate her, she'd have parents who loved her.

Now she had Gail, too. She'd had girlfriends before, but Gail was the first who'd been a friend before she was more. And she was the first friend who had never cared if Holly was gay or straight or anything. Simply, Gail liked Holly for being Holly (and for not being Andy or Chloe, she suspected).

After she'd kissed Gail at the wedding, Holly called her mother in a panic. She'd ruined a friendship and lost the best person she'd ever met. Maya talked her down and pointed out that Gail hadn't shoved her away or run off. So when the next time they talked, Gail said nothing about it, Holly decided that Gail too didn't want to lose a friend over a silly kiss.

In the end, they did end up losing each other as friends for a time. It wasn't over a kiss. And then they became friends again. And then more again. And now Holly was married to the most insane, beautiful, inscrutable, frustrating, silly, person she had ever met.

Any fear she'd had about the straight girl was long gone. Gail admitted she'd long thought she might be a bisexual, since she hated pretty much everyone unilaterally. But men were easier to divest one's self from when they got annoying, it was simpler to date them. When they met up again, eight months after Holly had moved, Gail was clearly, exclusively lesbian. The blonde jokingly blamed Holly, since sex with women was incredibly mind blowing and wonderful. Even when that sex was with someone like Frankie.

Now, though, there wasn't room for anyone else but each other. Holly's world narrowed to the woman in bed with her. She became blissfully unaware of anything else. There was Gail's skin and her smell and her hands and her body and then there was nothing but release and relief and emptiness.

Lying next to Gail, smiling, Holly's whole body felt boneless and relaxed. Gail's fingers gently brushed the hair away from her face, and soft lips pressed against her forehead. "Sleep," said the detective softly.

Closing her eyes, finally, Holly's mind and body were at peace.

She could just be Holly Peck for a while.

* * *

 _A bit of a safe space before we address the elephants in the room._


	3. It Hurts to Be Here

**Chapter Three: It Hurts To Be Here**

 _While Holly doesn_ _'_ _t remember her childhood, her adoptive parents may have some insight._

* * *

It wasn't the oddest thing he'd ever done for his ex, and that was saying something. Picking up his ex's wife's parents felt practically natural. Thankfully, Nick knew who the Stewarts were. He still held up a sign just in case.

"Nick!" Maya, Holly's mother, was delighted and hugged him right away. "Did the girls catch a case?"

Smiling, he returned the hug. "Afraid so, ma'am."

"And our boy isn't answering his phone." Dieter grunted and picked up his shoulder bag. "How the hell did we end up with workaholic kids?"

"Says the man who locked himself in the garage for hours." Maya smiled.

"That's art!"

"God help me if you go through the clown phase again," she grumbled.

Nick grinned. He liked Holly's parents a lot. They were really good people, honest and down to earth and caring. They'd happened to be in town, visiting when the anniversary of Nick's parents' death occurred. Maya spotted something in him and while Gail was goofing around with Jules, the woman sat beside him and asked if he was okay.

To Nick's surprise, he ended up telling Maya everything. Including the drinking which hadn't happened in a couple years. Not since he'd moved out. In part, that was because Gail threatened him not to fuck up with Jules like he had with her. In part, it was because like for Gail, Vancouver helped him reset his life.

"If there's a clown painting," warned Nick. "You're walking."

Maya laughed and buffed Nick's shoulder. "If there's a clown, he's sleeping in the motor home."

"Everyone's an art critic," complained Dieter. "And we sold the motor home."

Nick blinked. "No more traveling?"

"We sold the house too," said Maya, beaming. "Don't tell the kids. We want to surprise them."

"Oh there's gonna be," he muttered, picking up Maya's bag.

Maya, of course, latched on to that. "Are they pregnant?"

"What!?" Nick broke out in a laugh. "Oh my god, I'm sorry, I'm trying to picture pregnant Gail."

Dieter shared the laugh. "I'm trying to picture pregnant Holly. Maya, sweetheart, give up."

She pouted and complained about wanting to be a grandparent the entire way to Gail's house. Holly's house. It was still, in Nick's mind, Gail's house. It felt nothing like he'd expected a house designed and decorated by Gail would look like. He always thought she'd have a modern and clean design, everything high gloss and shiny and never used.

In reality, Gail had a positively ancient house with cedar paneling and singles, which Gail had actually fixed herself. That was the shocking part to Nick. The house was warm and cozy, unlike the Peck house he knew. It had visible wood with refinished floors, also done by Gail, and was decorated in rich colours.

It was cozy. It was safe. It was the sheer opposite of the nearly clinical McMansion that the Pecks had.

"Did Holly and Drew grow up in the house?" Nick glanced at Maya in the rearview mirror.

"No. We bought it when Holly started high school. She needed the stability."

Dieter snorted a laugh. "She was so hot for science, she needed a permanent address."

"I think growing up in the trailer was good for her," said Maya, defensively. "Look at how free she is now."

Nick was surprised. "Wait, Holly wasn't always that?"

Both her parents laughed. "Oh, poor Holly. It wasn't funny at all, except that it is now. She was so scared and serious. It took years before she smiled like she does now," explained Maya. "You wouldn't believe how serious she was."

"You wouldn't believe how bratty and bitchy Gail used to be," countered Nick and he pulled off the highway onto to smaller road that led into the woods. "I was just thinking it blows my mind she lives all the way out here."

"Oh?" Dieter sounded interested. "This isn't how she used to be?"

"No way, super neat freak. Wouldn't sleep over at my place because I had normal cotton sheets."

The Stewarts seemed to digest that difficultly. "Gail who dug up her own septic tank?" Dieter sounded stunned.

"Gail who finished her own garage?" Maya bubbled up a laugh. "Wow. Talk about your 180s. What caused that?"

Nick hesitated. He had known Gail the longest out of everyone in Vancouver. "I think she's still so mad at her family, she needed to be someone else."

"Enforced metamorphosis. No wonder Holl loves her." Dieter sighed. "Ah well. It seems to have worked for Gail. Good for her."

Maya nodded. "What about you, Nick? Are you reinventing yourself in Vancouver?"

He smiled. "Not really. No. I went back to being the me I was before I was angry." Nick paused. "I was a really bad boy when I dated Gail. Motorcycle, drinking, the works."

That made the Stewarts laugh and Nick told them all about how he dated Goth Gail back in the day. They were still laughing when the pulled up to the house and both Gail's jeep and Juliet's sedan were parked. Holly's SUV was missing so Nick pulled up to the side.

His girlfriend popped out from the side of the house. "Hey, Gail's getting the grill going. Let me help with the bags."

"Not before a hug," said Maya, and Juliet gave in readily. Everyone liked Holly's parents. "You're always over here helping."

"Well between the four of us, we only have you as functional parents," joked Juliet.

"And Drew's the only sane sibling," added Nick.

"Speaking of, why didn't my darling son pick us up?" Dieter hefted his bag to his shoulder.

"No idea," admitted Juliet. "Gail was swearing about it when she asked Nick to get you."

Rolling her eyes, Maya quickly texted and shoved her phone away. "It's near exams. I'm sure he's busy, Dieter."

They all tromped into the house and no sooner had they put the bags away, but a car pulled up. Holly was finally free, and the family immediately became rowdy and friendly. Gail got the fire going and finally was the host, happily hugging her in-laws and enthusiastically kissing her wife. They joked about workaholics and the work done to the house in the half-year since the Stewarts had last been by. Together they set the backyard table and Gail ran in and out, getting the food ready. But as Nick was staring to feel relaxed, the conversation upturned.

"So," Maya smiled at Nick dangerously. "When are you and Juliet getting married?"

Nick felt like a deer in the headlights. "Uh. What?"

"Married? Make little … Gail, dear, what did you call them? The portmanteau?"

From the kitchen inside, Gail called back, "Wollins."

"That." Maya beamed. "Wollins babies. You'd have cuties, and my attempts to convince Gail and Holly seems to be coming up short."

The backdoor opened and Gail came out with the kebabs. "Give up, Maya, he's never getting married. He hates weddings."

Nick stared at his oldest friend. "That's not true! I went to yours!"

"And you ditched Andy's. And Frank's. And your own, hey-yo!" Gail did a fist pump at her self.

Maya, apparently not up to speed on all the convoluted relationships at the house, eyed Nick. "Your own?"

"It's not that bad," Nick muttered.

"You left me at the fucking altar, Nick," sang Gail. Of course she was going to talk about it now. And Nick sort of understood why. Whatever Holly was trying to talk about, she was scared. In her own, weird, way, Gail was trying to make her more comfortable.

That made Maya startle. "You left Gail at the altar?"

He sighed. "I did. I looked at her down the aisle, realized we were making the biggest mistake of our lives." Then Nick eyed his girlfriend, who was laughing at him. "You knew this."

Juliet was very amused. "Gail told me," she replied. "Also the part about how she had your car towed. And possibly broke the mirrors on your motorcycle."

"I'd wondered who did that..." He shook his head.

"You knew damn well I did it, don't play," chastised Gail. "Who else did you piss off? It's not like Finn could've done it."

Nick rolled his eyes at Gail. She had a point. "I never thanked you for that," he said abruptly. "You ... You never told anyone."

His oldest friend blinked a few times. "Oh. Come on, Nick. I'm a bitch, but I'm not a fucking bitch." She brushed it off and Nick sighed.

Of course. She'd never take thanks for that, and Dieter would never ask. "Finn is my brother. He's in a wheelchair, alcoholic, and Gail has never once told anyone about him. Or that he killed my family in a car accident." Juliet knew because he had told her. Maya knew for the same reason.

Dieter looked deep. He almost always looked like his head was in another world. "She's loyal, our Gail."

"Dieter, I'm not your kid and you can't adopt me. That would make sleeping with your daughter really fucked up." Gail rolled the kebabs on the grill.

"Oh, you're still my Gail," promised Dieter. "I can love you like a daughter without you being my daughter."

The Pecks shared a look. "That's a hell of a lead in," said Gail.

"I guess," said Holly and she sighed. "So I have a biological brother," she told her parents. "And he's dead."

Nick had never seen anyone look quite that shocked before. Both Holly's parents had their faces wiped. Maya wobbled and Nick, standing right there, caught her elbow and guided her to a seat. Juliet did the same with Dieter. "I'm gonna get some water," said Nick, and he and Juliet escaped into the kitchen.

"That went well," muttered Juliet.

She and Gail often had the same or very similar mannerisms when the shit hit the fan. In a lot of ways, they were similar, and Nick appreciated that. Sure, Gail was much more of a classic heartbreaker, but it was the attitude where she stood up and said what was on her mind that really made Nick think she was interesting. Juliet was the same way. She had a strong moral code, just like Gail, and she was loyal.

Both of them also tended to deflect.

"I didn't expect it," he admitted. "I get why you didn't tell me, though."

At first he'd been annoyed to have been left out. But a few days after the case was closed, Holly had pulled him aside to explain what had happened. He was, after all, the only one who had legitimately lost his parents. Gail's and Juliet's were alive, if screwed up and distant. Holly and Nick had been abandoned.

"If my parents spring crazy shit on me, I promise to tell you first."

Nick smiled. "Do you ever think..." He stopped and felt his face heat up. No. That was a stupid thing to ask. Most women thought about marriage, in his experience. Gail was an exception, but Juliet and Gail were really similar in a lot of ways.

Predictably, Juliet just asked. "About marriage? In general or with you?"

"Either. Both?" He made a face. "God, I'm Gail levels of screwing this up."

Juliet laughed. "You're not actually about to propose, are you? Because that's up there next to the cake."

Oh god, that damn cake. "I didn't see you!" He laughed as well.

"If you hadn't hit me with that door, maybe we wouldn't be here." She smiled at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I haven't. But if you're really interested, we can talk about it."

Nick took hold of her waist and tugged her close. "I'm ... I'm not sure of me. Gail and I did it for all the wrong reasons."

"I'm not Gail."

"No."

"And you're not that Nick Collins."

He smiled. "No."

"So we can talk about this. There's no rush." She smiled and kissed him. "We can be whatever we want to be."

* * *

The house was preternaturally quiet.

Usually when her parents were over, there were extra bumps and sounds in the night. Maya would laugh at something and Dieter would get up and paint or draw and go back to bed. It had seriously bothered Gail the first time they stayed over, but now she didn't seem to mind.

Then again, Gail was lying in the bed not sleeping. Holly could tell. She was used to sleeping Gail. And Holly wasn't sleeping either for that matter. Far too tense and pained at the moment, Holly hadn't gotten through half the questions or thoughts in her head, before Gail had gently suggested they eat dinner.

Normally Juliet and Nick would stay until the wee hours, laughing and talking. Sometimes as a quartet they'd watch movies, and many nights they just stayed over. Together, they'd formed a sort of comfortable family. Four broken people.

Gail couldn't express her feelings in any way conventionally known to or understood by humanity. Nick had lost his parents and brother and had some pretty self destructive habits. On the other side, Juliet was constantly parenting everyone in some way, shoving her fears that she'd become her own parents deep down. And Holly... Holly still feared abandonment.

That had hurt her parents to hear. That even now, Holly was still afraid of the loss.

And that still they were her parents. It didn't matter how much she loved Maya and Dieter, and she really did. She had cried so much when they asked her if she wanted to be adopted. And she'd cried more when they said they were moving into a big house in Toronto so that she could go to a real high school for four years, and college, because they wanted her to be a doctor.

No matter what, they were her parents. Maya took her shopping for bras and tampons. Dieter helped her deal with first crushes and failed relationships. They made sure she passed her science classes and got into med school. They bought her a shitty car. And they still made sure she could go with them on adventures all summer.

They were her parents. Period.

But now. Now Holly was bringing up the idea that maybe she wanted to know the great mystery of her life. The mystery everyone asked. Who was she? In Holly's case, it required asking what happened to her parents. Where had they gone? Why had they gone? Who left a three year old alone?

Who left her to have another baby only to leave him?

What other babies?

What about her father?

Holly knew what she had to do. And it would hurt her parents so much. They would hear that they weren't enough. They would hear that all the love and caring they'd given the girl wasn't enough. They still weren't her parents in the on way that mattered most. Because they couldn't answer the questions she needed to know.

Rolling over, Holly snuggled up alongside her wife. Gail's arm wrapped around her, settling her together in an easy sort of lounge. Her wife sighed.

"Who would have thought your parents buying a tiny house would be the normal part of a dinner?"

Holly smothered a laugh into Gail's shoulder. "You know they're coming here."

"Fuck. I have to call the city and see about getting water and electrical hookups." Gail groaned.

Smiling, Holly closed her eyes. "Thank you."

"For... what?"

"For being cool with my parents."

"Hey, I _like_ your parents," argued Gail. "They're nice. And smart. And fun. But that whole clown thing—"

Reaching up, Holly covered Gail's mouth. "Hush. No clowns." Her wife licked her hand. "Oh god, you are so gross!" She laughed and wiped her palm on Gail's shirt.

Gail smiled and caught Holly's hand, kissing it gently. "You want to know, don't you?"

Holly sighed. "I do."

The pale arms wrapped around her, pulling Holly close. "No matter what, I'm on your side. Whatever you need, Holls. Anything." Gail's promise was sincere and deep. It was the promise of loyalty that was the heart of the woman she loved.

Gail would, again and again, give herself up for others. She understood her world and no matter how much shit it threw at her, Gail would continue to try and try and try to help it. Gail had needed to find herself in the pain and loss of her name, because for twenty-seven years, all she had was the name.

Now she— Now _they_ were the name.

And even so, Gail understood her wife needed to peel back the layers. Peck. Stewart. Smith. Who was she?

"Mom. I want to know," she said firmly as they drank coffee the next morning.

Her mother sighed and looked out the window. "Is there a stream out back?"

Holly almost snapped about how that didn't matter, but Gail spoke first. "Yeah. It's a half k through the trees, at the end of the property."

"Oh it's yours?"

"Technically it's just running through our land. I can fish in it." Gail looked thoughtful. "I've never caught any thing, but I'm not much of a fisher."

Maya nodded. "Lets ... let's talk there."

It didn't make sense to Holly, but she pulled on hiking shoes and a puffy vest. They said nothing as Gail led them down the trail to the stream. It was more of a small river, easily forced by a fallen tree or the rocks. It wasn't too deep, but Holly saw a few fish.

"How come we never come here?" She eyed her wife curiously.

"Uh... " Gail looked honestly perplexed. "I have no idea."

Holly rolled her eyes and kissed Gail softly. "Weirdo." When she turned, her parents were smiling at her. "What?"

Dieter sat on a rock by the river's edge. "What do you remember?"

She blinked. "Before you guys got me? Not ... mostly the other homes." Holly frowned. They were not all that happy memories. Gail squeezed her hand, but was silent. "I remember sitting in an ambulance holding someone's hand, and she was asking me where my parents were. And then ... then just the homes."

Maya nodded. "If I'd known you wanted to talk about this, I would have tried to get the report." She paused and eyed Gail. "You could get it, couldn't you?"

"Yes," replied Gail quietly.

"It's been decades since I read it, honey," continued Maya. "You were three or four. We think. No one really knows, so they went by how old the landlord thought you were."

"Landlord?" Holly felt lost already.

"You were apparently living off dry cereal and crackers. He came in trying to find your parents. And you ..." Maya paused and smiled as if she was so proud of Holly just then. "You told him that your Daddy was gone for a long time and your Mommy went to get food two days ago."

How odd. "I ... I don't remember that at all," said Holly, feeling at a loss.

"You were three," pointed out Dieter.

"But I feel like .. I should remember that!" She didn't remember a landlord or even an apartment. She didn't remember the cereal. She didn't remember a conversation about where her parents were. "Did I really say Mommy and Daddy?"

Beside her, Gail laughed. "I'm sorry, Holls, but you're mad about _that_?"

"It's so childish!"

"You were three!" Gail kept laughing and, a moment later, Holly snickered a laugh as well.

"Shut up," she told her wife and leaned into Gail, hiding her face in the crook of Gail's neck. For a moment. Then Holly turned, still wrapped in Gail's arms. "Did I really say that, Mom?"

"Afraid so," said Dieter. "I only remember because you never called us that. You never used childish terms. You always sounded like you were in a rush to grow up." He looked up at Maya, as if asking her to continue.

And Maya did. "The landlord said your parents were Derek and Tonya Smith. Paid up in cash every week. There was no ID in the place, so they printed but there were so many people..."

"That's why I was Holly Smith?"

"Well you knew your first name. But when they asked your parents names, you didn't know. Which makes sense."

Holly sighed and let go of Gail finally. "And then the homes. And then you."

Maya nodded and sat on Dieter's lap. "What... Can you tell me about this boy?"

"Man," corrected Holly. He was only four years younger than Holly, more or less. And she told her parents about the birth, what Gail had told her.

"His name was Jeremy," said Gail slowly. "His mother, birth mother, named him." And she explained the death. "Juliet and I think it was an accident."

As Gail spoke, Maya's face grew wan. "Holly... if this man was ... Your mother..."

Gail nodded. "She was probably pregnant with Jeremy when she abandoned Holly, yeah, we've been over that."

Dieter's face grew dark. "I wish I knew more, honey," he said to Holly, almost reflexively hugging Maya.

It was a comfort to have that be his reaction. To want to hold Maya. Holly did so love her parents. They were weird, wacky, wild, and fun. They'd taken her all over Canada, and the United States when time allowed. They'd never been rich, but they'd never been poor either.

They also didn't have the answers Holly needed.

Holly reached over and found Gail's fingers. They were going to have to find the truth of her birth family on their own.

* * *

It was ridiculous. The office of her boss, Hayes, was closed and the blinds drawn. And Gail Peck was not at her desk. "Is she _still_ in there?"

"Since before lunch, ma'am," said Officer Yung.

Juliet looked up at clock. It was almost three. How much trouble was Gail actually in, she wondered? The woman had marched into Hayes' office before lunch, so that had to have been when Juliet was chatting with Nick after their quick wrap up of the stabbing.

But to have been in there for four hours was crazy.

"This is nuts," declared Juliet, loudly, and threw herself into her chair. "I've done all the damn legwork on _our_ case too!"

Yung looked scared, glancing at the door. "You know the boss can hear us," he hissed.

"Counting on it," she hissed back. There weren't a lot of acceptable ways to annoy one's boss and not get fired for it, but being a little loud and complaining about one's partner tended to get get a person yelled at and hauled into the office.

Like clockwork, the door opened ten minutes later. "Ward, get your ass in here, and you better explain why you went along with this."

She turned and winced. Hayes did not look happy. Given how much he liked Gail and had insisted they bring her to Vancouver in the first place, Peck must have seriously fucked up in the last three days.

Three days ago, Juliet, Holly, and Gail had decided to use what they could to uncover Holly's past. Legally. Of course, Gail's idea of legally was a little more on the loose side than anyone else's. Juliet should have seen that coming. It wasn't that Gail would outright do anything illegal, it was that she often felt it was better to ask forgiveness for abuses of power to get information, than it was to get permission for using the police databases in the first place.

Juliet closed the door behind her. "Which part did I go along with?"

"The warrantless search of the hospital database?" Hayes was seething.

"She didn't know about that part," Gail said firmly. Interestingly, Gail didn't look shy or abashed or even an ounce repentant. She had her walls up and she was ... well. Mad. "I told you, she only helped me with looking for any traces of Tonya Smith in the general databases."

"And how the _hell_ did you idiots get the DNA?"

Gail was silent. In fact, she was looking at her hands.

Oh.

Gail was refusing to turn over Holly. So naturally Hayes thought it was Juliet. And Gail couldn't confirm or deny that.

"Yeah, Holly did that, sir," said Juliet with a sigh. "Back in Toronto. You can't expect her to flip on her wife."

Both of Hayes' eyebrows shot up into his receding hairline. "You— You want me to believe that Dr. Holly Peck, the best coroner we've ever had, illegally ran DNA?"

"No, she legally ran her own DNA in the system," explained Juliet. "She compared it with the DNA she was in possession of, from her own mother's hairbrush, and tried to find her birth family."

Hayes scowled. "Technically that's..." And he stopped. "Wait a second. Peck, did you enter her mother's DNA in the system?"

"No, I used the evidence from the abandonment of the Wilcox case," said Gail, churlishly. "Then I ran that DNA against all open cases in child services. Which led me to other hospital stays."

Juliet felt her blood run cold. They both knew there was a possibility Holly had more siblings. "Why...?"

"Two miscarriages, five other stays. All due to rampant drug use, which had check-ins with rehab, which she ditched." Gail shot Juliet a 'calm the fuck down' look.

Throwing himself into his chair, Hayes groaned loudly. "Jesus, Peck. How the hell did you become my headache?"

"I recall you begging me to woo her when we went to Toronto," Juliet drawled.

"I thought we all agreed not to use woo anymore," Gail remarked, peevishly this time. She really hated that word.

"I am regretting my life choices more and more every second." Hayes covered his face. "Peck. You want to help your wife find her father?"

"Biological father. Yes."

"And you, Ward, you're helping because ...?"

Juliet looked at Gail thoughtfully. Why was she helping? "Because. Gail helps me make sure I like who I see in the mirror."

To her surprise, Gail flushed. "Not if you're going to get all girly about it," she mumbled.

"Damn it." The older detective kicked his chair, spinning it around so he could look out the window. "We're doing this shit the right way."

Gail and Juliet looked at each other. Juliet mouthed 'we?' and Gail shrugged. "What's, ah, the right way?"

"First, we get Dr. Peck to file this as a real case. Then I argue that there's no one better to run this than Ward. Peck, you being her partner means Ward is your boss, and if there's any skirting the law shenanigans, we're gonna have a sit down talk about the shit your family got up to in Toronto."

Apparently Gail could get more pale. "Sir! I wouldn't— I mean, I didn't— Oh. Jesus."

And apparently it had never even occurred to Gail what she was doing and how close it was to the sorts of things her family had done. Juliet couldn't help it. She laughed. "Boss, I'm pretty sure Gail wasn't even thinking anything other than making Holly feel better," she said soothingly.

"Yeah, and fell into a trap her folks set up for her," growled Hayes. "Shaw warned me shit like that could happen."

Gail covered her face. "I really hate my mother right now," she said grimly. "Usually Holly's good about checking me on that."

"She's a little distracted at the moment," Juliet pointed out. "I think this one oughta get a pass, Boss."

Hayes pointed at her. "I was expecting you to do that wrangling, Ward."

"Hey! I didn't know she was hacking the hospital! Hell, I don't even know how she did that."

Hayes opened his mouth, closed it, and turned to look at Gail. Juliet cleared her throat and looked at her as well.

"Missing persons reports don't require a warrant in certain situations," explained Gail, her voice muffled by her hands. "Since it was tied to our murder case, I just ... leveraged that."

After a moment, Hayes sighed. "Alright, Peck. That was clever, I'll give you that."

"Thanks," she replied, joylessly.

"Ward, keep a closer eye on her."

Juliet nodded. "Gail, clear it with me first next time."

Morosely, Gail nodded back. Then she lifted her head. "I wanted her prints."

Hayes looked blank for a moment. "Because we didn't always grab DNA samples in the '80s," he said abruptly. "But this Tonya Doe—"

"Smith," corrected Juliet.

"Tonya Smith wasn't in Vancouver in the '80s," concluded Hayes, shooting Juliet with a look.

"No. She was in Toronto," Gail explained. "Holly already ran the DNA out there and came up empty. We only got hospital hits here. So I thought maybe I could run the prints, see if anything came up related. Like her prints with someone else's."

Hayes hesitated. "Like her father."

"Yeah." Gail rubbed the scar on her forehead. "See. We have the prints, but that's locked up without a warrant. But. If I get her prints here, then we can use that to crack anything sealed in Toronto. Call in a couple favours..."

"You mean Traci?" Juliet sucked on her lower lip. While Traci and Gail had started to rebuild their friendship, and Traci had even come to the wedding, that was a tenuous friendship at best.

"I mean Dov," admitted Gail. "He still feels guilty, according to Ollie."

"And Oliver," sighed Hayes, "Oliver Shaw would move heaven and earth for his little Peckling."

Gail scowled. "I draw the line at _anyone_ but Ollie calling me that." Her tone sounded like the one time Juliet had been yelled at by Elaine Peck, back when she was undercover in Toronto. It wasn't that Elaine raised her voice, it was that she just sounded menacing. She had spooked the hell out of Juliet at the time.

It clearly had a similar impact on Hayes. "Noted." He reached back and messed his hair up, smoothing it back down. "Okay. You both have my permission to do this. Find the prints. If you hit a wall or need a warrant, you get me."

The both mumbled a yes, sir, and Juliet grabbed Gail's arm, hauling her out of the office. She knew a dismissal when she heard it.

"We got off lucky," hissed Juliet as the closed the door. "I can't believe you did that without telling me."

Gail grimaced. "Yeah. I don't... I didn't... I didn't think." Then she added. "Sorry."

Any time Gail said sorry, it was a strange day.

"Okay, Gail. It's okay." Juliet pulled a hair tie out and looped her mess into a ponytail. "Okay. Let's get ourselves a fingerprint."

* * *

 _Sounds like everyone may be headed back to Toronto sooner rather than later, eh?_


	4. We're All Gluttons for Our Doom

**Chapter Four: We're All Gluttons for Our Doom**

 _We have to find the answers, no matter what it costs. Sometimes. Even if it means making deals with devils._

 _What devils?_

 _Oh._ _ **You**_ _know._

* * *

They hadn't spoken since shortly before the wedding. And in a way it had been pretty nice. The part where somehow Elaine had talked to her family, convincing them to fund a honeymoon, was a big question mark in Gail's mind.

Her mother wasn't on her side. Her mother had picked her father. And yet, randomly, her mother would step up and help from behind the curtain.

Gail sighed and tapped the call button. And waited.

One ring.

Two rings.

"Hello, Gail," said Elaine, sounding somewhat suspicious.

It was mutual, and Gail couldn't blame her.

"Mom," she said slowly. "How, um. How are you?"

"As well as can be expected. How was, ah, your honeymoon?"

"Good. Really good. Thank you." Gail gnawed on the side of her thumb.

"Please don't chew your skin." It was a mild admonishment. "What's wrong?"

Ugh. "Why does something have to be wrong for me to call you?"

Elaine said nothing.

"Fine. We're... Holly was adopted."

"I am aware of that," said Elaine, dryly.

"Yeah. And we accidentally found her brother."

That caused Elaine to fall silent in a different, heavier way. "Her what?" So Gail took a deep breath and explained. Elaine listened very carefully, quietly, asking only a few questions. And then. "Her father is probably still in Toronto then."

"That's my theory," agreed Gail. "Which is, ah. Why we're here."

"Oh." Elaine swallowed. "Here. You're in Toronto?"

"Yeah. We're at ... We're at Lisa's."

"Oh. Of course." Elaine cleared her throat. "Is this a warning? Because we're still under house arrest, at a five mile radius."

That had to be incredibly boring. Especially being stuck with her father, who was a dick. "No. It's a ... favour."

"Of course." Now Elaine just sounded disappointed. "I should have expected—"

"No, Mom. not that. I need you to try to get Dad to agree to talk to me."

Her mother sucked in a breath. "I admit I didn't see that coming. Gail. When did you last talk to your father?"

"Uh, year ago? When you two met with me with your parole officers?" When Elaine hesitated, Gail sighed. "He hasn't gotten any better about this, has he?"

"You betrayed his entire family, sweetheart," Elaine said, trying to sound sympathetic. Or empathetic. Whatever. Whichever.

"I know. But. He used to work Missing Persons."

And the name on the sealed file of one Holly Smith had been William J. Peck.

This silence was heavy. Foreboding. "And again, I did not see that coming," said Elaine dryly. "I'll talk to him. But I can't promise anything."

"It's not for me, Mom. It's for Holly. And. I know Dad's pissed at me, but I didn't— I wasn't with Holly when I did any of that."

"A point hardly to your favour." Elaine was at her most acerbic. In it's own way, it was comforting.

"It's a point to hers."

When Gail had explained to Holly that she'd taken down her entire family, and turned on then, Holly hadn't actually been fully supportive. Breaking away from the evil was one thing. Actively attacking the evil, though, when it was her own family, was somehow rather abhorrent.

Now that Gail knew more about Holly's abandonment issues, it made sense, but back then they'd not even been dating. They'd agreed to disagree about the subject matter. And when Holly saw first hand how the Pecks treated Gail, like a whipped dog she'd said, then Holly was fully onboard with Gail's actions.

"I'll do what I can, Gail," Elaine said, wearily. No. Warily. "Thank you. For trusting me with this."

It wasn't like Gail had a lot of options. The only other way to get it unsealed would be for Holly to file a petition and talk the the courts. Which they were doing. But it sounded like the petition was going to take weeks, if not months, and Gail really had no interest in staying in Toronto that long.

They'd started proceedings from Vancouver, which seemed logical. Get Holly's records unsealed, get more information. The person whose records they were ought to be able to ask that, right? Apparently not. The law felt that sealed meant sealed. For everyone. Even the subject therein.

Holly complained it made her feel guilty, like she'd done something horrible. Like she wasn't the victim of the crimes, but the perpetrator. And since she couldn't remember a damn thing about it, it had given Holly nightmares and gut churning self-doubt.

On the plus side, Holly got to meet Gail's therapist. And that had led to the decision that they had to come to Toronto to get this shit done.

Gail had just hoped that it would have been faster.

"Thank you. For listening. And trying, Mom."

There was an awkward silence, then mumbled goodbyes and Gail hung up.

"You didn't have to do that," said Holly.

Gail felt her skeleton leap out of her skin. "Holy crap! Holly!" She felt her heart pound and had to press her hands to her chest.

"Sorry," Holly said softly and crossed the room to sit beside Gail. "But. I heard. Uh. Most of that."

"Oh. Well. That's awkward."

Her wife smiled and leaned into Gail's shoulder. "Not quite as awkward as you and your mom saying goodbye. That's pretty epic."

Gail winced. "We try."

"I know. And thank you."

Reaching over, Gail carefully took Holly's hand and rubbed it. "I don't know if it'll do anything."

"Honey, if your father is half as much a dick as he seems, I don't think it'll do a damn thing." Holly squeezed Gail's hand. "But. You did that for me."

Gail hesitated and then turned to face Holly. "I wouldn't do anything for you, but I can face my idiot parents, Holly."

Holly just smiled, a little sadly, and said nothing.

It was enough.

* * *

She'd been to court a hundred time. It was nothing new to her life. Get up, put on a suit, try not to think about her ex boyfriend who used to try and get her to relax by running around the car.

That last one was harder when the ex boyfriend's sister was sitting in the audience.

"And how long have you known Dr. Peck?"

Traci glanced at the table where Holly was sitting. There were no sides to this particular case. No jury. No panel. Just Holly, a handful of solicitors, and a magistrate, listening intently.

"Since my second year as a detective," said Traci, confidently. "Our paths didn't cross until the Robbins case."

The judge cleared his throat. "Which case?"

"That would be the affair when a police detective accidentally killed the subject of a missing persons, your Worship," explained the solicitor. "I included it in the docket."

"Carry on, thank you."

The solicitor gave Traci a sympathetic look, as if saying 'can you believe this guy?' Traci did not smile, but she wanted to. "And how long did you work with Dr. Peck?"

"Until she left the department," explained Traci.

The conversation went on like that for a while. They asked questions about how Traci had worked with Holly, both before and after the situation with the Pecks. They asked about Holly's possible involvement in illegal activities, which other lawyers quickly pointed out were ones Holly had already been absolved of. They asked weird personal questions, like why had Traci gone to the wedding.

But then Traci's bizarre interrogation was over and she was dismissed. Crossing by Holly, she gave her friend a shoulder squeeze, and went to sit by Gail. Taking her place on the stand was Oliver Shaw, who cheerfully went through the same type of conversation.

"Well that was fun," whispered Traci.

"Thanks," replied Gail, but she then held a finger up to her lips.

Silent. Right.

They watched Oliver answer questions, smiled at his effusive declarations of Holly's general awesomeness.

It was all so very strange to be the character witnesses for this case. After all, everyone in the city knew that Holly was a good person. She'd been exonerated of any suspicion of wrongdoing a few years back, following the fallout of the Pecks.

As it turned out, that was why the court was viewing her _un_ favourably at the moment. She'd married the only Peck involved who wasn't in jail. The only Peck who was still a police officer.

According to Gail, the day before had been for all the non-cops. People Holly had known growing up, people she'd gone to college with. Including a young woman about their age who was sitting on Gail's other side. Someone named Alicia. She'd come down from Northern Territory to testify on Holly's behalf.

"Alright, thank you Staff Sgt. Shaw." The judge sighed. "I've heard everything. I will return in an hour with my decision." And the gavel was rapped. Everyone jumped to their feet as the robed individual departed.

There was a collective sigh when the door closed.

"Well that was about as much fun as watching you get adopted," said Alicia, as soon as Holly walked up.

"About as much fun to do," admitted Holly, and she hugged the woman. "Traci. Thank you so much."

Traci found herself pulled into a hug. "Oh, Holly, you're welcome. Both of you." She glanced at Gail who quickly held her hands up in a 'don't hug me' ward.

Holly beamed and turned back to Alicia. "Traci, this is my foster sister, Alicia. Alicia, Traci and Gail were in the same rookie class. And ..." She paused, looking a little lost for a moment.

"Holl's trying to say that Traci dated my brother until he got arrested." Gail rocked on her heels. "We all worked for Oliver for a while."

Alicia nodded, as if she'd heard some of the story before. "Oh, you're the one with the son? Gail has a picture of him on her fridge. Their fridge." Alicia made a face. "I can't believe I missed your wedding."

"It was a little rushed," Holly confessed and then gave Gail a dopey look.

The two were still in love. It was beautiful. Traci had always wondered what Gail would be like when she was in love and happy. The other woman had always been so closed off, so guarded with her heart, that it was still a shock to have her smile so readily.

That came from more than just Holly, though. It came from the freedom to be herself, without the burden of her name. Oliver had said it best. Like the phoenix, Gail had risen from the ashes and become even more beautiful.

And here, even with Holly beside her, the two were stepping into a strange new world. A new planet where they were were strangers in the strange land. Navigating something they'd never expected or planned for.

"You'd think you were pregnant," teased Alicia.

"Hah," laughed Holly. "That'd be a trip, wouldn't it?"

But there was something forced about her laughter that caught Traci's mom ear. Like when Andy had been avoiding mentioning kids, around the time she herself was possibly (and eventually yes) pregnant.

"I can't believe Andy has two kids now," Gail said, lamenting. "Two! A boy and a girl! Who the hell let McNally and Hound Dog have kids?"

"Pretty sure you can't stop it when the straights have sex." Holly grinned and elbowed Gail.

Oliver slug an arm over Holly and Gail's shoulders. "Come on, Pecklings. We should get lunch. The bottomless pit here has to be starving."

Unlike with anyone else, Gail did not squirm to get away from Oliver. "We only have an hour, Ollie."

"With this judge? It'll be two. At least. Come on, we'll go to the Wild Pig. They have a great ham sandwich you'll love."

Holly gave the man a squeeze. "Come with, Traci, or do you have to be back at work?"

She checked her phone. "I do have to go back," Traci lamented. "I'm working a drug running case."

They all understood, even though Oliver suggested she come anyway. Sometimes he was a terrible boss. But still, Traci hugged her friends and went back to Fifteen. It was impossible to know what would happen.

As she left the building, though, Traci saw a face she recognized and had not expected. Was that ... Bill Peck going in?

* * *

Stretching out over the bed, Holly revelled in the slight ache of her limbs. "You're sure Lisa can't hear us?"

Using sex as an avoidance was a generally terrible idea, and Holly knew that. But given the week she'd had, hell the last three months, a bit of a re-connection in the physical sense made her feel a lot more grounded. Even if that did happen in the guest room of one of Holly's oldest friends.

"Hmm." Without giving a serious answer, Gail oozed back up, settling alongside her. "Better?"

"Much. Thank you." Holly closed her eyes and turned to her side, touching more of her wife with their whole bodies. "You?"

Gail hesitated and then sighed. "Oh. Awkward family reunions aside, it was alright."

That had been a shocker. Bill Peck, and his parole officer, waltzing in to talk to the judge. And ten minutes later, the case was opened and Holly was being apologized to.

"Do you think he bribed the judge?" It had been Holly's fear for the last few hours.

"With what? Dad's broke, and he has zero clout." Gail's lips brushed Holly's forehead. "I think he just... explained you were never involved in anything, and asked to unseal the records."

"That's creepy."

"Welcome to my life," grumbled Gail.

Holly opened her eyes and squinted at her blurry wife. "I married you," she said gently.

A pause. Gail smiled. An earnest and wide smile. "You did."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Holly." But the smile faltered. "That isn't it, though, Holls."

The scars of youth were hard to recover from. Holly nodded and snuggled herself closer to Gail, holding her tight. "Is that why you're avoiding the other conversation?"

"Which one?"

"The one that Traci gave me a look about."

Gail rumbled a laugh. "Oh. No, I figured I'd wait until we find out if your bio parents are serial killers or Nazi hunters."

Given what little they knew, serial killers was a bit more likely. "Astronauts," said Holly. "I used to think they were astronauts and that's why they couldn't find me. Then I was happy they were gone, because Maya and Dieter were so .. good."

"I just wanted mine to go away."

"Funny isn't it? Now we're glad yours showed up, and actually looking for mine."

"Funny hah hah?"

"No. Not hah hah."

The blonde sighed. "Are we ready to talk about that? The other thing?"

Holly mused on the meaning of that other thing. They were lying, naked, in Lisa's guest room. Holly's former foster sister was sleeping on the couch in Lisa's home office, downstairs. Lisa, her best friend, was hopefully asleep down the hall.

And they were kind of dancing around a subject they'd been flirting with for a while. Since before the honeymoon. And Gail was so, so serious in the moment, looking at Holly a little scared and nervous.

She couldn't blame Gail for being nervous. The first time they'd ever talked about having children it had been when Holly idiotically asked Gail to run away with her, and Gail asked Holly to foster a child. Pair of idiots they were.

"Well." Holly sighed and ran a hand over Gail's side. "Do you want to have my baby?"

There was a moment of hesitation and Gail burst out giggling. "Oh my god, did you have to say it like that?"

Good. Holly crooked her fingers under Gail's chin and drew her in for a slow, soft kiss. "You thought you were ready with Sophie," she whispered.

"I did," replied Gail, her voice an equal whisper. "I do. I am. But are _we_?"

That was a good question. Were _they_ ready?

"I don't know," admitted Holly. "How did you know?"

Gail gnawed on her lip. "I don't know. I just... I did. I woke up, metaphorically, and thought— I knew I could do it. I wanted it."

"Do you still?"

The question hung in the air heavily,

"Yes," said Gail, softly but with a deep certainty and conviction.

Not today, and not tomorrow, but maybe soon they were going to have to talk about having children. For real.

And Holly knew she had to get her head in order.

* * *

"You're gonna want to come in," said Dov, sombrely.

"Jesus, Dov. If her mom is dead—"

"That's not it. It's ... I think I've got him. I have the prints and they're a match for a ... well. I just think you should be here."

Gail frowned and gently shook Holly's shoulder. "Dov. It's four in the morning."

"He's here."

Her heart stopped. It actually stopped.

"Honey, waz wrong?" Holly sleepily rubbed her eyes. Normally Gail would think about how she was so, so heart-stoppingly beautiful. But now, all Gail could think was that they were about to irrevocably change their lives.

"Dov. How sure are you?"

"I had the lab fast match his DNA."

"Fast type," corrected Gail, reflexively.

Holly's eyes abruptly focused. "They found him?"

Gail held up a finger. "The DNA, Dov?"

"Yeah. He had to come in for a B&E. Look. Can you just get here?"

Holly was already out of bed and shucking her night clothes.

"Yeah. We're on our way." Gail hung up and sighed.

Eight days into their epic Toronto adventure, they'd come up empty. Besides the DNA that Holly had secreted years ago, what was left was beyond use. Even for their non-litigious purposes, they had very use other than to confirm that, yes, the DNA found on the scene was of a paternal and maternal match. There just hadn't been enough to run through a database and not get a million hits.

That left them with the less than fun job of trying to sort out fingerprints. Normally that would have actually been fun for people like Holly. Instead, the degradation and the incomplete nature of the prints proved to be even messier than the DNA.

Two days before, Holly had thrown her hands up and done something she called 'artistic reconstruction.' She pieced together multiple prints, stitching them in a way that, if she tried it in court, likely she'd lose her license. Filling in the blanks, they'd been able to create a fingerprint that was runnable through the databases.

That had been the night before. After that, Lisa and Rachel and Alicia dragged Holly away from the lab and made her do anything else. They'd gone to the batting cages, and to a nice dinner, and in between they'd walked through parks and Alicia had demanded Holly show her where she'd lived in college.

At the end of the day, Holly had flopped onto the bed and conked out seconds after pulling on her pyjamas.

Gail felt that was a success. Watching Holly get dressed, she was pretty sure it was. The woman had a fire and drive that Gail had worried was being extinguished with the drama.

"You wanna drive to the station or should I?" Gail swung her legs out of bed and went to her pile of laundry. "Hey, it's weird that Lisa _offered_ to do our laundry, right?"

"Pretty sure she had her maid service do it. You drive. You're faster." Holly wriggled into her jeans, a motion that made Gail grin.

"You're a pretty terrible driver," agreed Gail.

They were out the door quickly, leaving a note for Lisa and Alicia, and not even stopping for coffee. Gail would drink the vomitous garbage at the station if it meant solving this shit-show of a mystery one second sooner.

Thankfully, Chloe was waiting for them at the station with actually decent coffee. "Dov's an ignoramus sometimes," she declared and handed over the cups. "I picked up, uh, him late last night. Someone broke into the church."

Gail blinked and looked at Holly, who asked, "Church?"

"You mean he wasn't the B or E?" Gail frowned.

"No. He was the wit. Is the wit. Do you want his backstory?" Chloe held up a surprisingly not super-thick folder.

Holly hesitated. "Yes?"

Gail nodded. "Yes," she said more certainly. "Summarize."

"Right." Chloe took a deep breath. "Derek Farrington. He was picked up around a month before Holly was found, possession and intent to sell."

As Chloe started to read off from the court case, Gail sighed and took the folder. "He plead guilty, did a nickel on a dime and he's been out for almost twenty years now. Said he had no kids..." Gail glanced at Holly who was a mixture of whey faced and grim.

"Probably lied to keep your, uh, bio mom out of jail," offered Chloe.

"Thank you," grumbled Gail. "DNA is a match though. Check it out." She handed the results to Holly, who stared for a long time and then nodded. "Oh hello. He's a priest."

Holly looked up. "The what now?"

"Looks like he met Father Jean-Pierre in prison. Found the word. Which explains why he was at the site of a B&E on the church. Okay. Where is he now?"

Chloe pointed back at the interrogation rooms. "Dov's talking to him. He said to bring you two to watch."

Yeah. That was a good idea. "What time is it?" Gail looked at the clock. It was almost six. "Call Oliver. Tell him what we've got. Holly, come on." Her wife nodded and handed Chloe back the DNA with a mumbled thanks. As they walked, Gail texted Juliet with the news, hoping her partner wouldn't be woken up.

Holly remained mostly silent as they walked in and saw Dov chatting with Derek. At least Holly had the name right. And the face. Derek Farrington looked like Holly. Her hair, her nose ... He looked like Jeremy too.

In the room, Derek continued to explain, "My girl, she ran out on me. That's how I ended up in jail, man. Totally stupid, right? But I cleaned my ass up when I was there. Met this guy, Jean Pierre. Priest. He got me straight and narrow. I mean, check me out, right?"

Dov nodded. "Father JP's pretty cool."

"So… Look, kid. What's this case?"

"Sorry?" Dov leaned back in his chair.

"You dragged me in here, got my DNA, which I get. But then all of the sudden you seem to have a different agenda and I'm being asked about my idiot days. I didn't break in to my own church." Derek was indignant.

Holly coughed a laugh. "He's not stupid."

Gail smiled and laced her fingers through Holly's. "He couldn't be. You're not."

"Nurture versus nature," murmured Holly.

In the room, Dov sighed. "We're trying to solve a homicide in Vancouver. And your DNA came up as a possible match."

Derek startled. "Mine?"

Tugging Gail's hand, Holly hissed, "Homicide?"

"Yeah." Gail sipped the coffee. "My idea was that whoever we found might open up more to a homicide than a missing persons he lied about thirty years ago."

"Not a stupid theory," Holly said, begrudgingly.

"I have my moments."

Dov opened a notebook. "He died in a suspicious hit-and-run." He pulled out a picture and handed it to Derek. "Recognize him?"

"Holy... It's like looking in a time machine mirror." Derek rubbed his face. "Forgive me," he muttered. "I didn't know she was pregnant."

Everyone froze. Gail actually felt the hand in hers get cold. "Her who," asked Dov, gently.

"My girl." He looked shaken to his core. "You... I lied. Please forgive me, I lied."

"About what?"

"I had… I had a daughter. I went… god this is over thirty years ago, kid. She'd be a little older than you. I had to do this stupid thing with my dealer. We were gone for a a month, running drugs across Canada. When I came back, my girl, Tonya, was gone. So was the kid. I figured out the system had her, and man, I was messed up. I thought it'd be better for her."

"You never found out what happened to her?" Dov somehow managed to sound gentle. Gail was pretty sure she'd be livid just then.

"Nah. I tried looking, but then I got busted and did my time and… I just prayed. A lot. That they were okay." He sighed and touched the photo. "I shoulda prayed harder. What was his name?"

"Jeremy. Jeremy Wilcox."

"S'a good name. My dad's name. So Tonya was pregnant, huh?" Derek wiped his eyes. "Do you think… Maybe you guys could tell me what happened to Holly?"

Well there it was. Her dad knew her. And he knew her name.

"Holly?"

"My girl. We called her Holly. Holly Cynthia." Derek sighed loudly. "No idea if she remembered that. I mean, shit, she was tiny. Smart as hell, though. I used to tell myself that she was some super genius." He laughed. "Doesn't everyone want to think that though?"

Yeah. They needed to talk to him in person. If only to get everyone on the same page. Gail opened the door and looked at Holly. "Come on."

Grabbing Gail's hand, Holly swallowed her dry throat and let herself be led in. Derek looked up, his brown eyes meeting hers and widening. "Mr— Father Farrington," said Dov gently.

But Derek was on his feet, staring at Holly. "My god."

Holly squeezed Gail's hand tighter. Her wife didn't wince, just gently squeezing back. "I'm Holly," she said carefully. "Holly Peck."

Derek looked her up and down. Then his eyes hit her hand, their hands, and he looked at Gail, badge and gun and all, with a little confusion. But it didn't seem to matter. "How… How are you?"

The mundaneness of the question made Holly laugh. She covered her mouth and tried not to snicker but it was too late. "Of all the times," said Gail, but she laughed too.

"Sorry." Holly managed to speak. "I'm just a bit…"

"Overwhelmed," Gail suggested.

Exhaling, Holly nodded. "Yeah. I mean... I thought ... God, I didn't know you were alive."

Not letting go of Holly's hand, Gail turned to Dov. "Thank you. I think I've got it from here."

"You sure? You guys need anything..." The detective looked around and squeezed Gail's shoulder.

Gail cleared her throat. "Yeah. Holl, why don't we go out? Penny's quiet around now, right?"

Dov nodded. "Yeah. Good pizza."

It was barely past six in the morning.

Derek frowned. "No offence, Officer ..."

"Detective. Peck."

"Detective Peck." He paused a moment, rolling the name around in his head. He couldn't have missed that Holly introduced herself as a Peck. "Look, I know you're probably close. Sisters. But I just found out my daughter's alive and I'd like to talk to her. Alone."

Holly sighed and tugged Gail's hand before she could speak. "Father... Derek. This is my _wife_ , Gail."

Her father's eyes widened. "Oh. I ... That changes ... Uh. That just makes me a bigger ass," he said with an expansive sigh.

"It's alright, Father Farrington- okay that's really fucking weird. Can I call you Derek?" Gail made a face. "I can't call my wife's bio-dad 'Father' all the time."

"Derek's fine. Gail?"

"Sure." She sighed. "Come on, let's eat and talk."

The walk to breakfast was incredibly quiet. Holly and Derek kept giving each other looks. Gail didn't need to. Seeing them together, once, was all she'd needed to see they were the same build. They'd found Holly's biological father.

* * *

 _Her father the father._

 _Now what? We should find her mother, too._


	5. How Long Till My Soul Gets It Right

**02.05 - How Long Till My Soul Gets It Right**

 _Now that they've found Holly's father, the mystery left is where is_ _Tonya_ _?_

* * *

The flight back to Vancouver, Holly didn't know what to say. She had finally met her biological father. One of her personal mysteries in life, one of the questions she'd always wanted to know, was partly answered.

Where had she come from?

Who was she?

Derek explained everything he knew, but it wasn't a huge amount more than they'd already inferred and understood. He and Tonya had been drug users and dealers. Tonya had been clean and sober while pregnant with Holly, or at least Derek had thought so. He'd been mostly clean and they'd worked hard to be each other's backup buddy.

But then he'd gone to jail and not wanting to give their daughter up to the department of child services. His guess was that his own disappearance caused Tonya to fall off the wagon. He'd not been able to find either of them after five years in jail, which made sense. By then, Holly had been well on her way to being legally adopted, after all, and they were living in New Brunswick.

She'd liked that semester.

And she liked Derek. As much as anyone could like a father who'd abandoned them. He was smart, he was kind, and he was clearly repentant for what he'd done. Derek blamed no one but himself. He knew what he'd done, what it meant, and he accepted his lumps for it.

Which was probably _why_ Holly found herself liking him a little. Unlike so many other people, he was honest about his flaws. It was one of the things that drew her to Gail, the second time. And the first, if she was being really honest. Gail knew she was messed up, she knew she wasn't a nice person, and she didn't let it prevent her from trying to be better.

Still. Holly didn't know what to say about any of it. All of it. None of it. And it left Holly with a question she didn't know the answer to anymore, if she ever had at all.

See, her biological father had wanted to be a father. Derek had loved being a dad, telling Holly all about teaching her to walk and how much he'd loved watching her learn. How much he'd loved her. And how sorry he was that he'd screwed it all up. And how proud he was of her for everything she'd done.

The gay thing had been a little awkward. The first hour of breakfast, Derek had kept shooting Gail confused looks. It wasn't until after lunch, when he'd run out of memory for the few years he'd known Tonya and Holly, that Derek dared ask. How had they met?

So Holly had told their story, in pieces and definitely omitting some of the gorier, Peck-ier, details. In fact, she left out all of the parts that explained Gail's changes. They didn't matter, and they weren't her story really.

But her own story, her self-discovery, her awkward teen years, her heart tripping down the infinite chasm that was loving Gail. That was a story she told Derek. While she didn't think of him as her father, that was Dieter and always would be, she did think of him as a peculiar uncle. A long lost relative, who wanted, who tried to be more than he had been.

Listening to him talk, telling him who she was, made Holly question if she wanted that too. A legacy beyond a name and a job.

Certainly, Gail was ready to be a mom. She loved kids, more than adults, and she cared so much about people. She'd even taken the time to visit Sophie while they were in town, much to that young girl's delight. Gail was ready.

Holly wasn't sure if she was.

She wanted to be ready. She wanted to be able to look Gail in the eye and say that they should have children. She wanted to look forward to waking up on Christmas morning to the sound of children (and Gail) gleefully ripping open presents and playing in the show. She wanted to be excited about teaching a baby to walk.

And yet all Holly felt was a wave of fear and dread. Insurmountable doubt. She couldn't be a parent. She was the product of broken people, adopted yes by people with bigger hearts than the world had a right to create, but still. She wasn't not perfect. She wasn't ready.

It wasn't fair to Gail, was it? For Holly to linger and drag her feet and inch closer and closer to forty when the idea of having a baby was more and more dangerous. And with Gail's history, would it even be possible to adopt? The damage of the Peck name nearly left Holly's records sealed from herself.

All they'd learned from those records were details on why Holly had been branded a dangerous child. She'd been fairly vicious that first year. Not that Holly really, clearly, remembered why. Gail had joked that the month or so on her own had turned Holly feral. A genius, yes, but feral.

How true was that? How wild and dangerous was Holly, deep inside? And could she, should she even be trusted with a child of her own?

"The prodigals return!" Juliet waved at them as they walked down the stairs to baggage claim. "Welcome back."

Holly smiled.

"It's good to be back," she said, sincerely, and hugged her friend.

* * *

"So here's the question," he began.

Juliet winced. "Nick, you need to ask them."

"No, no it's not about that." He paused. "It could be. I mean. Do you think they'll find her mom?"

She didn't really. Juliet had gone with them, to talk to the Mounties, who had agreed to run the DNA through their databanks. And come up with nothing more than Gail and Juliet had already found.

Instead of saying that, Juliet replied, "Nick. Sweetie. Talking about your ex and her wife is not cool all the time."

Sometimes Juliet wondered if Nick was still in love with Gail like that. She knew he still did love her, and that made sense. They had a lot of shared history and pain. Hell, she loved Gail too, just not at all in the romantic type way.

But it was very possible that Nick was and did love Gail like that.

And that really never helped a girl feel like her boyfriend wanted her.

The problem was that somehow Gail had ended up being the centre of their little world. It was Gail that got Nick out there (apparently there had been a phone call and a threat that if Nick didn't move out to Vancouver, Gail was going to have Chloe serenade him). It was Gail who sat outside Juliet's bathroom while she peed on a pregnancy stick (thank god, false alarm). It was Gail who picked Juliet's father off the floor and tossed him into rehab (which he ditched but that was hardly anyone's fault but his).

Their lives revolved around Gail, and subsequently Holly, in many ways. Thankfully, just as they would drop anything for Gail, she would drop anything for them. And had many times.

None of that helped the fact that Nick's lingering love for the woman niggled at Juliet. She, jealously, wanted to be first in his heart. And was that so much to ask?

Nick sighed, jarring her out of her thoughts. "I was going to ask if we should y'know, talk about buying a place. That's all."

Juliet blinked. "What?"

"A place. Like, bigger than this apartment, which I really like, don't get me wrong, baby. But. A place. Maybe like a condo? With an extra room? Or a gym."

"Oh," she said weakly. "I thought this was about ... Never mind."

"You know, I know Gail's got an ego the size of the Pacific Ocean, but my world doesn't resolve around her." Nick flashed a smile.

"Kinda feel like it does," she admitted.

Her boyfriend made a rueful face and sat down next to her. "Jules. We've never actually talked about what happened with me and Gail."

Juliet frowned. "Gail told me."

"Yeah, her side, which..."

They both smiled. "Revisionist history, I know."

"To say the least." Nick took her hand and told her his version of the story.

According to Nick, and that part matched up with Gail at least, they met when he tipped poorly at the restaurant she was working at. She chased him into the parking lot over it, and when he came back a second time, she poured hot coffee in his lap.

"You know, persistence in chasing down a girl who said no isn't really appealing," Juliet pointed out. "It's pretty stalkerish."

"Hey! She asked me out." He laughed. "I'm pretty sure she did it to piss off her parents, though."

"That seems to have been a driving goal of hers for years."

He nodded. "I think it kept her safe, in the end y'know."

Well that was a terrifying thought. He was probably right, too. Juliet sighed and leaned into Nick's shoulder. "Why did you propose?"

Nick winced. "Oh. God, this is embarrassing. See, I didn't."

What? Juliet leaned away and stared. "You didn't propose?"

Nick shook his head firmly. "I absolutely did not. The dealer did."

"Dealer? What dealer?"

"Okay. So we were _drunk_. I mean really, probably illegally, drunk. And Gail was just kicking ass at Craps, which I didn't even know she played."

Juliet, who had seen Gail play darts while drunk, suspected she was better while loaded, was not totally surprised. Being forced to shoot while incapacitated sounded like something the Pecks would have made her do. "Wait. Then how did you end up in Vegas?"

"Oh That was my idea. Let's get the hell out of here and go to Vegas." He shrugged. "It sounded fun for some reason."

Well. That made sense. "You flew?"

"Drove. 36 hours straight, or something. It was nuts." Nick laughed. "Gail drives like a maniac."

"No kidding." Juliet hesitated. So they'd driven to Vegas and then... "How did the dealer propose?"

"He said, I remember this really well, he said if she rolled lucky sevens again, we should get married."

Okay. That sounded exactly like something stupid that would happen in Vegas.

And she giggled. She snickered. She gave in to the actual laugh. "And you punked out."

"Hey, I didn't want to marry her. I knew she was gonna break my heart."

Hadn't Nick always said that. That Gail would break his heart and ruin him.

"But. You're still in love with her?"

Nick shook his head and kissed her. "Gail's a lot of things, but she's not you. I do love her. But I'm _in_ love with _you_ , Juliet."

* * *

Growling, Gail threw her cellphone onto her desk.

"You break that again, department makes you pay for it," cautioned Juliet.

"Hey, no one expected that kid to karate kick me like that." She grumbled, under her breath, that he'd nearly broken her hand. That had been a bad day.

Her partner picked up the phone and made a show of checking it. "Who called?"

"Mounties. Another dead end." She groaned and thumped her head on the desk. "How the hell does Tonya just ... hide?"

They'd made absolutely no headway on Tonya Hollis. If that was even her real name. Her DNA was certainly all over the system, in multiple locations, but not a one had worked out to be a lead. She'd show up, usually strung out on something, check into rehab against her will, and then checkout and vanish.

The baby trail had been a little more helpful. If more distressing. At first all they'd found were miscarriages. Once they cracked open all of Canada, thanks to the Mounties and Toronto being on their side, they found exactly what Gail and Holly had feared.

She had half-siblings, plural, scattered across Canada.

The first one was easy enough to find, thanks to Alicia. Once they determined the first child, older than Holly, lived in the same general area as Alicia and her sisters, they'd made contact.

Jack Rennick was a disaster. He was broke, living hand to mouth, spending most of his money on gambling and alcohol. Apparently when he'd been abandoned, the safety net of the foster system had failed him much like it had nearly failed Holly. Honestly, Holly had admitted to understanding and even expecting that.

While Gail felt they should have told Jack about his family, both Alicia and Holly decided not to. Gail didn't argue the point. Jack had a lot of issues. She did, on the other hand, politely ask the local police to keep an eye on him and hopefully get him some help. It was unlikely to do much, if anything, but it was the thought that counted.

The second person they found was fourteen. Permanently. A sister named Eva who'd died. She'd been adopted as a baby, raised as a soccer star, and her team had been plowed into by a drunk. The majority of the team had survived, but Eva had been declared brain dead. Her parents had donated the organs.

Gail had been on the trail, in her free time, of the third half-sibling. Gunter Ridell. That was his current name, at least. He had a string of aliases trailing everywhere from Newfoundland to the Yukon and back. And Gail had just lost his scent in Alberta.

As for Tonya, she was in the wind after briefly popping up as a drunk and disorderly in a small town even Gail had never heard of. And yes, her parents had made her memorize the damn country.

"Some people just don't want to be found," pointed out Juliet.

Somehow Gail resisted the urge to snap that just because Juliet didn't want to find her father didn't mean other people felt the same way.

"Please tell me we have something else to concentrate on? A serial killer? A bomb threat?"

"Burglary ring?" Juliet held up a file.

Ugh. How mundane. "We're homicide."

"Yeah, they broke into a pawn shop and one of the guys got impaled by glass."

Gail blinked. "That is suitably gruesome for my morbid frame of mind," she announced, and took the file.

It was a lot easier to throw herself into work, where she didn't have a personal investment on anything. Sadly, either the criminals were too stupid or she was too smart, because she and Juliet closed the case by noon the next day.

Oddly that left her able to take the most unexpected of phone calls as she walked into her house.

"Hello, may I speak with Gail Peck?"

"Speaking." Gail juggled her shoulder bag and dropped it by the coat rack. "Hang on a sec." As soon as she was free of her coat, boots, and bag, Gail cleared her throat. "Okay. Sorry, who's this?"

"My name is Kirsch. Theo Kirsch. I'm, ah, your father's parole officer."

Gail blinked and swayed. Oh fuck. She felt her body grow cold and decided to sit down in the middle of the floor. Okay. Maybe she did still have some feelings for her father. "What happened?" Her voice sounded flat to her own ears.

The man on the phone sounded confused. "Happened?"

"How did he die?"

"Die!?"

"What!?" Gail pulled the phone away from her ear and stared at it. "Why the _hell_ are you calling me?"

The man cracked up. "Oh god. Bill said you wouldn't believe me."

Bill said... if Bill had told Theo that, then... "He's alive?"

"Your father is fine. He's alive and well. Totally healthy. He just... he wanted to talk to you about your wife, and asked me to call."

For a moment, Gail wondered why. Then she realized she'd probably have let her father go to voicemail. "That. Actually that makes sense," she admitted. "What about Holly?"

"He said it was to do with her case. Or rather, her mother's?"

Gail didn't even let her brain process that too much. "Put him on. Please."

A moment later, a familiar voice she'd not heard in years spoke to her. "Hello." And he stopped.

Cupcake. He used to call her that. "Hi, Dad."

"Right." Bill sighed. "Your Mother has been ... On me about this."

"Well. The Super's Inspector."

He laughed. They'd always joked a bit like that, about how he was Elaine's lackey. And he was, in so many ways. "Even now. Even now." Then he asked, "This is really awkward, isn't it?"

"Uh, well the last time we talked you called me a stain on our family name, so yeah. Just a bit."

Her father sucked in his breath. "I ... I shouldn't have said that."

Gail sneered, "Why start watching your words now?"

"Because. I was wrong. And no, I'm not saying that because I was caught." Bill sighed. "Gail. I'm sorry. I was mislead. I believed lies. And I did terrible things, to you, because of it."

Maybe if Gail hadn't just met Holly's biological father, she'd have accepted the apology at face value. But ... Derek was repentant. Derek was truly remorseful. Bill was putting words on paper to sound good.

That's all her parents were in the end. Sound bites.

She closed her eyes. There were options. She could snap at him, she could tell him off. Or she could accept the apology at face value and let it go. If it had just been herself, her own heart, she would have told him where to shove his phone. But he had called about Holly. Specifically Holly's mother.

"Alright," she said quietly.

Bill hesitated, but didn't push his luck. "You've been looking for her mother, Tonya?"

"Not with any luck," admitted Gail.

"I couldn't find her back then. I have... I had to find it, you understand. When your mother told me what you were doing, what case, I knew what the right thing to do would be. Obviously. Not for you, or me even, but for someone who wanted to find her parents. And... I knew you'd have a hell of a time finding her, because she doesn't want to be found."

Gail rolled her eyes. "Jesus, Dad. I know that."

"You infer. I have her psychological profile."

What? Gail sat up straighter. "Dad, there was no profile done."

"I know. I just finished it. I... I'm not allowed to email it to you, so I was going to ask Oliver to overnight it. On my dime."

The spin hurt her head. "Dad. You ran a profile? On— on what!?"

"Her case, Holly's, had to be separated from her mother's because her mother is the lead suspect in a homicide, cupcake." Her father's voice was so, so tender. It was the same tone he'd used when Steve's appendix burst. When they thought Steve might die. Thank god, he hadn't. But still.

Suddenly the convoluted reasons of Holly not being allowed to see her own case made sense. Suddenly it all made sense. If Tonya had killed someone, then her case would involve child abandonment. And logically they couldn't let the child see the unsolved killing. Even if that daughter was now one of the primer scientists in the nation.

Maybe because of all that. Oh, god, and the daughter had married into the family who caught the case but lost the killer? A killer she and her possibly corrupt white were now looking for? No wonder the case had all the information that helped them find Derek.

She cleared her throat. "Who's the vic?"

"The dealer. The theory. The theory is that after her ... boyfriend went missing, she went to find him. But since he was in jail, ratted out by the dealer, she killed the dealer."

"I mean... I can see it," admitted Gail.

"The killing matched another in the Northern Territories."

Oh fuck. Where Holly's older half brother lived. "She stuck around, dropped a kid, killed a man, and left— Oh." No, no. Jack had said his father was murdered.

"Kid?" Bill shocked her out of her sudden silence.

"We found a brother. Half brother. Whose father was murdered. Mother ran off."

Bill swore colourfully. "Are you sure... the dealer..."

Gail caught on immediately. "No, we're sure her father is her father, Dad. Shit, he looks just like them both."

"How many ... How many children?"

"Two more. One's dead. A bus accident."

Her father sucked in his breath. "Jesus, I thought that was ... How many more do you think?"

That had been something they'd discussed. Gail really didn't want to talk about it with her father, though. "Dad. No." She sighed. "Thank you."

Bill made a noise and then stopped. "I'll send you the paperwork."

"If it's on the computer, Dad, Ollie can just mail it over to my boss."

"That... Yes. That. I'll do that." He exhaled loudly.

"Bye, Dad."

"Bye, cupcake."

Gail hung up and sighed. She dropped her phone to her lap and leaned back. Now what? They were never going to find this woman who didn't want to be found. And a woman who had killed at least two people, including the father of one of her children, was unlikely to want to be found.

No wonder she burned through identities. Half of the ones they'd found were stolen. The other half were shallow baked. And most of the hospitals and rehab centres, she refused to give a name at all.

Gail was still there, sitting on the hardwood floor, when Holly came home.

"Do I want to know why you're on the floor?"

"I was on the phone with my father." She looked up and saw Holly, smiling a little perplexed.

"And that necessitates sitting on the floor. Alright." Holly reached down to gently ruffle Gail's hair. "What did he want?"

That was the oddest thing. Gail always expected her father to want something of her. "To help."

"Help? Whom?"

"You." Gail got to her feet and took Holly's jacket. "He figured out why we can't find your mother."

Holly froze. "What— What the hell?"

"Apparently that happened to be one of the open cases he was pissed about," explained Gail, and she recapped the conversation.

Holly's face went from shock to horror to anger and then to disgust. "My mother is a murderer?"

"Suspected. They have circumstantial. Sounds like no solid DNA."

"No, or mine would have thrown that open." Holly made a face. "I feel quite sick now."

Gail held her arms out, at a loss herself for what to say. "I just ... I don't even know, Holl." Her wife shook her head and then grimaced. "I'll. I'll make dinner." Pasta. Pasta was a good idea.

As Gail walked into the kitchen, she heard Holly rustle around with her bag. Then her wife asked, "Do you want to have a baby, like be pregnant, or me be pregnant, or adopt?"

She dropped the carton of eggs. "What?" Gail's voice was higher than normal.

"Baby. You still want to have one?"

Gail swore and picked up the box of eggs. "Holl, seriously we don't have to talk about this now."

But Holly was insistent. "No. We do. I've been avoiding this for, god, months, Gail. I know you want, and you've been so sweet and just not talking about it. Letting me avoid it. And I don't want to anymore."

It made Gail's head swim. "I do. I mean, you know I do. But we don't have to do this now. Whenever you're ready—"

"That's just it! I'm not ever going to be _ready_ , Gail!" Holly threw her hands up. "I'm always going to wonder if— I'm going to wonder who and what I am. But so are you."

"I know who I am," Gail said softly, inspecting the eggs. She'd only broken two.

"No you don't, honey," Holly replied. "You don't. You like who you are, but you still worry about being a Peck sometimes."

Gail stiffened but she knew Holly was right about that. "How can I not?"

"That's the point!" Holly groaned. "You can't. And you don't let it stop you! And I — I wanted to be a Peck so you wouldn't be alone. And so _we_ wouldn't be alone. We could be us." She took a deep breath. "I don't know I'm ever going to feel like I know exactly who I am, but I don't think that should stop us."

Putting the egg carton down on the counter, Gail leaned against it and frowned. "That's really a shitty proposal, y'know."

Her wife essayed a smile. "I could go fall off the roof if that would help?"

Gail smiled back. "No. No." She shook her head. "A baby, huh?"

Nodding, Holly slowly walked around the kitchen and leaned next to Gail. "I think we'd have beautiful babies, honey."

"You _are_ aware I'm a ginger, right?"

Holly giggled. "I did know that, actually. A tan ginger baby. Or a dark haired, pale ghost baby. But us. Ours. You and me."

They could use Steve, she realized. Though that might be a bit depressing, considering what had happened with Holly's brother. Or maybe he'd donated somewhere. Okay, now that was horrifying.

But. All those questions could be sorted out. They just had to start with one, simple, question.

"Yes," Gail said to her wife. "Yes, I would like to have a baby with you."

* * *

Juliet tilted her head. "You're not going to look anymore?"

Stirring her tea, Gail shook her head. "No. Holly decided to shelve it. The Mounties will tell us if they find more of her relatives, we set up alerts on similar DNA scans. At this point ... we had to let it be."

That seemed oddly mature, even for her partner, but Juliet didn't press the matter. It had been a hell of an eight months for Gail and Holly, after all. They'd found Holly's biological father, proof of biological siblings, and only wisps of her mother. Gail had stumbled to an odd half-reconciliation with her own father, though she seemed not to really be buying it.

And Juliet and Nick...

She looked around the diner. It was just her and Gail that Sunday. That was Gail's idea. The text on Saturday said that it should just be them on Sunday. That wasn't terribly rare. Once every month or two they'd want to just have a friends breakfast. Usually if there was no case or no pressing work.

But Juliet wondered what was on Gail's mind.

"Nick and I are buying a house. Together," she said, starting the other conversation.

Gail blinked. It was few and far between, the times Juliet could surprise Gail. It was always worth it. "Huh. A house house or a condo?"

"Probably a condo. Nick wouldn't ever be okay in the sticks like you." Juliet made a face. "Even without traffic, you drive almost an hour to get to the office!"

"I like my privacy," replied Gail. "Still not sure about marriage?"

"He didn't ask."

Gail snorted. "You know you can ask, right, Sgt. Heteronormative?"

A blush crossed Juliet's face. "Who told you?"

"No one, I'm just smart. You're gonna do it." Gail didn't phrase it as a question. She knew, somehow, that Juliet was going to try for sergeant. "I'll miss you as my partner."

"Hah!" Juliet laughed. "I haven't even taken the test, or got the appointment. Lotta things could change."

But Gail shook her head knowingly. "You're going to be Sgt. Ward, Jules. Come off it."

Well. Gail had yet to be wrong about anything work related. Not like that. "I'm sorry," Juliet said softly.

"For planning a future? Don't be."

Juliet fiddled with the empty coffee creamer on her side of the table. "What... you know sergeants need partners too, right?"

There was a protracted silence and Juliet looked up to see Gail's stoically thoughtful face. She waited it out, and finally Gail sighed.

"How much extra work does that mean?"

Those were words Gail had never said before. Not even when she'd gotten together with Holly. Work, and overwork, didn't really bother Gail at the end of the day. But. There was something else behind the words this time. A meaning.

Juliet frowned and tried to think of the last time she saw that particular expression on Gail's face. Oh, it had been when the Wilcoxes showed up to identify their son. Holly's brother. And Gail had said they hadn't talked about ...

Oh.

"So you talked about it?" Juliet arched her eyebrows as Gail nodded. "Gonna do it?"

"First appointment is next month," said Gail very quietly. Scared. Nervous. Excited.

"Wow." Juliet leaned back and looked up at the stained ceiling.

Everything was always moving and changing. Always. The them they were a year ago, two years ago, three years ago, were not the them they were today. They changed and grew and changed. Every day, every hour.

But the her she had become in the four years she'd know Gail Peck was a her Juliet didn't want to lose. Gail was a friend, a confidant, a partner t in the truest sense of the word. She was a good person, a cranky and bitchy one, but a good one.

And Juliet didn't want to stop being this much a part of her friend's life. Sure, she teased the hell out of Nick for his ongoing relationship with Gail, and at her worst moments felt jealous of the depth of their connection. But she also understood it because she too felt that way,

She exhaled deeply and looked back at her partner. "I think. I think we could make it work, Gail," Juliet decided.

Slowly Gail looked up and smiled. A real smile.

They'd make something work.

* * *

The doctor walked in, late, and Holly giggled at the frustrated complaint from her wife. "Do you actually own a watch?"

At least the doctor looked apologetic. "Sorry. We had a backup at the labs." There was a pause. "You did not test at home?"

Holly squeezed Gail's hand and answered. "It's been a little hectic."

They'd had a serial killer, followed by a ferry crash that turned out to be the murder of the pilot, and then a plane crash. Seven insane weeks. And in the middle, they'd managed to squeeze in visits to the doctor and signing more legal documents than Holly felt was possible. It was, in a word, exhausting.

Their doctor knew all that. "Your worries about stress are, I'm happy to say, unfounded."

Gail's hand spasmed in Holly's. "Pregnant?"

When the doctor nodded, Holly squeezed Gail's even tighter. "We're having a baby," she said to her wife. "Oh my god. We're insane."

Gail laughed a bright, bubbling, joyful laugh and leaned in to kiss Holly. "We're having a baby."

* * *

 _The End._

* * *

 _I know who_ _'_ _s pregnant. You don_ _'_ _t. Hah hah. Hah._

 _And yes, I'm mean enough to end the fic on this note. You'll find out who's pregnant_ _ **IF**_ _I decide to make this a three-quel. And if that never happens, let your imaginations take you where they will._

 _It was on purpose that the mystery of Holly's mother never be answered, as well as some of the issues of Gail's come to a head. Bill? Still an asshole. Derek? Not actually all that bad._

 _But right now, there's no plan to make a three-quel._


End file.
